"Pull and don't break" relationships, known online as "situationship," are becoming increasingly popular.
When Taylor Swift released her album The Tortured Poets Department, she shocked fans with some of the most heartbreaking lyrics she's ever written, apparently about a relationship that lasted about a month. Since then, the destructive nature of such relationships has become the subject of much discussion online. Sometimes, it's not a six-year relationship that makes you write 31 songs about your ex, but a relationship that turned into an intense flirtation that ended abruptly.
Why are these relationships so painful? What is it that is so vague, yet so incredibly intimate that it can lead us to romantic paranoia?
Dr. Morgan Anderson, clinical psychologist, explained what exactly happens in these situations and why they bother us so much.
We feel worthless.
According to Dr. Morgan, such a relationship can cause negative emotions.
"No matter how hard we try not to show it, a part of us thinks and believes that we are not attractive enough to be chosen."
This can cause problems with our self-confidence and self-acceptance.
"It makes us think that if we were worth it, we would be worthy of their love," Dr. Morgan said.
Such situations can isolate you.
If you've ever struggled with the deep loneliness that comes after a relationship ends, you're not alone. You're grieving a relationship that never reached a certain level of romance and was never official. This can make you feel lonely.
"If you feel sad or grief over the end of such a vague and brief relationship, you can't expect much support from your friends, because they won't understand how important that relationship was to you. It's about the end of a relationship that was, on the surface, insignificant, but in reality may have caused a strong emotional impact," the expert said.
This report may be harmful to mental health
There's something about these uncertain relationships that can make you feel really bad. Such relationships are a "gray area" and this uncertainty can seriously affect your mental health. This is because they can expose us to unhealthy and uncomfortable situations, especially if we thought we were ready for a serious relationship.
They could be a fantasy.
What makes these types of relationships so common is their indefinite duration. They can last weeks, months, or even years. However, there is one type of relationship that is very difficult to overcome, and that is what is called a "fantasy relationship." These situations are very short-lived and emotionally intense.
"We put this kind of relationship on a pedestal, because it lasted a while and was very intense, so we're able to imagine all the things we could have done with that person, but never face the reality of what it would be like to actually build a relationship with them."
Our brains tend to fill in the blanks about how a situation could be, so if we spend too much time in this imaginary world, it can make it much harder to forget. In this way, we imagine the most ideal situations with that person, making them seem like the most perfect person in our minds, even though the reality with them could be quite the opposite. In this way, we imagine the most ideal situations with that person, making them seem like the most perfect person in our minds, even though the reality with them could be quite the opposite.
So why is the end of such a relationship so emotionally charged?
There are many reasons why the end of a relationship can hurt us, but it most likely has to do with at least one of these three things: an ambiguous ending, a lack of support from loved ones, and unhealthy fantasies.
Feeling completely devastated over an unfulfilled relationship is never a pleasant feeling. As you work through this breakup, be patient with yourself, seek help from others, and remember : You deserve someone who makes you feel butterflies in your stomach.
Source: Marie Claire
