Between Us: "How do I tell my boyfriend he's so dirty???"

Between us/ ANABEL

"I'm 21 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (23) for about eight months. He lives with his mom and, to be honest, their house is a mess. I go there often, and every time I leave exhausted just by the way everything looks.

I am very clean and grew up in a family where hygiene was important, so my standards are probably higher. Believe me, I am not exaggerating. There is dust and dirt everywhere, everything smells bad. You can just walk through the house without sitting down and come out with a smell on your clothes. Even his room, which seems more “tidy”, is always dirty. When I first went, it was the same, months later, still the same situation.

Yesterday, when he was at work, I couldn't stand it anymore and decided to clean. I didn't clean every corner because there are a lot of little things I didn't want to touch, but I did get the room back to a more tidy state. The amount of dirt I collected was unbelievable. I don't know when he last cleaned it, he never mentioned doing anything about the hygiene of the house.

It bothers me that he never cleaned my room for me. When I came to his house or invited him to my apartment, everything was always clean. Even his car is always full of different things inside. Recently, the refrigerator was so dirty that I couldn't stand it anymore and I cleaned it. Almost everything else was left dirty.

They also have cats at home and I'm allergic to cats. It's not anything serious, just a rash on my skin, my eyes itch and any part of my body where there's cat hair irritates me. And he knows this, but he doesn't do anything to alleviate the situation, he doesn't clean up the hair, he doesn't fix things so I don't have contact. 

He's going to study abroad this month and I'm worried he won't know how to fix things there. I know he can't do it alone, but he always says he's too tired from work to help with the cleaning. But when he lives alone, what will happen?

"I know it sounds selfish, but I want him to learn to take care of his own things. He's not a kid anymore, he's 23 and he's going to live alone again. He shouldn't live like this, he deserves better. But how do I tell him all this without sounding cruel or judgmental?"

Note: The article has been adapted by the editorial team for editorial purposes and clarity. Copyright Anabel.al / Reprinting without the permission of the editorial team is prohibited.

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