"I'm 34 years old. I've been a mother for 5 years. I have two young children and I've been in a relationship with my husband for over a decade. We've known each other since university and, like any couple, we've had our ups and downs, including those related to our sex life.
But what's been bothering me lately isn't the lack of sex, but the way I feel when it happens.
As soon as I became a mother for the first time, I started to feel a kind of guilt, like an inner voice telling me, "You're a mother now. This is not the time for this anymore."
And I don't talk about any specific problem with my partner, because we have a good relationship, he loves me, understands me and doesn't pressure me. But I don't feel comfortable. In fact, when I think about it, my body is covered with a feeling of guilt and disgust that I don't fully understand. And after the act, sometimes I want to cry. I feel like I'm doing something that conflicts with my role as a mother.
It almost seems like I can't be both: a woman who feels, seeks, and experiences sex, and a good mother who raises her children with love and devotion. Even though I know in my mind that this is an absurd and patriarchal division of roles, my heart doesn't easily agree. I have a kind of emotional block, an obstacle that prevents me from feeling pleasure, because it feels like I'm doing something "dirty."
There was a time when we had sex a few times a week and I was more relaxed. What about now? It's been two months since we last had sex and it wasn't an experience I enjoyed. I felt like I was just "doing my homework" and when it was over, I couldn't wait to get out of that situation.
It happened to me before and now these periods are getting longer and longer. Sometimes I feel like the woman who is only good for housework and raising children. I no longer feel like the girl who once sought, experimented, desired...
I'm sharing this because maybe I'm not the only one. Maybe other women who have become mothers have felt the same feelings of guilt, inhibition, insecurity. And I want to understand, is this normal? Is this just a phase? Or is it a sign that I need to talk to a professional? I don't want to lose my connection with my husband, I don't want to get used to this feeling of emptiness in intimacy, but I don't know where to start.
If there is anyone who has experienced this, I would really like to read their thoughts or experiences.
Thank you," - written by a sincere woman.
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