Let's be honest: Relationships can be difficult.
We all have an idea in our minds of what we want a relationship to be like. But the reality is that each of us brings all versions of ourselves to a relationship, with all the experiences, wounds, hopes, and desires that come with it.
Shared lives are built not only on the moments that couples share, but also on what they have experienced before. Memories, perceptions, ways of communicating, family and social backgrounds, all influence the daily dynamics. And, yes, even our daily behaviors, whether functional or not, leave a mark.
There are endless things that can make a relationship work well. But sometimes, without realizing it, the connection can become toxic, precisely because of what each of us carries within ourselves.
Are you bringing toxicity into your relationship?
If you're wondering, maybe so. We all do it at some point or another. If you're real in your relationship and don't hide behind masks, you'll bring out even the most difficult parts of yourself.
Toxicity is simply a consequence of our unhealed wounds. The sooner you understand where it comes from, the easier it is to start working on yourself and improving the way you relate to others.
The good news? You can manage it. But if a person hasn't worked on themselves and doesn't truly accept who they are, the problems will resurface and it will be increasingly difficult to resolve them.
We know we are behaving toxically in a relationship when our reactions hurt others, without us being aware of it or taking responsibility for it. A clear sign is when our partner always feels guilty, or avoids conflict because they are afraid of our reaction.
For example, imagine your partner not texting you for an hour and you automatically get angry, accuse them of being uninterested, and create baseless scenarios. Instead of calmly talking about how you feel abandoned, you attack, control, and make the other person feel guilty for something that may not have been intentional. This is toxic behavior because it stems from unaddressed personal insecurities and damages the relationship.
How not to ruin your relationship?
The best time to help your relationship is now. Start by being honest—with yourself and your partner. Ask yourself: What is making me react this way? What am I bringing from my past into this relationship?
You shouldn't ignore toxic behavior just because it's uncomfortable to admit to yourself. Read up, talk to a therapist, have an open discussion with your partner, and decide what needs to change. But remember: you are the one who can reduce the level of toxicity you bring to the relationship.
