When we were kids, we all fought for the passenger seat with our siblings, trying to win “first place” in the car. We didn’t care if the trip took hours or just to get home, all that mattered was sitting in the front.
As we get older, this desire fades. It no longer matters who sits in the front, especially if the car is ours. At least, until we travel with someone else.
When someone from family or friends is behind the wheel, there are usually some “unwritten rules” of etiquette that most people try to follow. For example, many people willingly give up their passenger seat to someone older or to those who are feeling unwell during the journey.
But when there's no such reason, does it really matter who sits in front? According to hundreds of people online, yes, it does.
The issue of passenger seat often raises debates, especially when partners and their parents are involved.
On the Mumsnet forum, a user raised the question: "Am I being unreasonable? Who should sit in front, the partner or the parent?"
She explained that she always offers her husband's mother her seat, but the latter refuses and prefers to sit in the back. Meanwhile, her father-in-law never hesitates to sit in the front, which she considers a sign of "sexism."
“It bothers me because it seems like the men take the lead, while my mother-in-law and I, the women, have to stay behind,” she explained.
Similar debates have been seen on Reddit and in Facebook groups like Etiquette and Manners and The Dull Men's Club. Some comments advocated that partners should sit together in the front, while others insisted that the wife should give up her seat to her husband's parents, "out of respect," a rule that is very important in some cultures, as the elderly always sit in the front.
On TikTok, many men have expressed the same stance, saying they would give way to their parents or elders, not their partner.
What do the experts say?
According to relationship therapist Gigi Engle, the issue of "first place" only matters when your partner makes you feel less important, always forcing you to take a back seat.
“It's not about the place itself, but what it symbolizes,” explains Engle.
"For many people, the passenger seat is associated with respect and the place a partner occupies in a relationship. If, for practical reasons, the father-in-law is very tall and needs more space, there is nothing wrong with that."
But if there is no practical reason and your partner decides that your parents always sit in the front, you may feel unappreciated, and this feeling should not be ignored."
She adds that often this is not the problem itself, but a symptom of something deeper in the relationship: a lack of communication or respect.
"In a healthy relationship, we need to be open to talking and listening to each other. If something makes you feel unappreciated, you need to express it calmly, not with attacks or accusations."
Finally, Engle concludes:
"A partner who respects and values ??you doesn't ignore your concerns. He will listen and create ways for you to feel respected."
