'Lightbulb Theory' Explains Why With Growth & Success, Love Becomes So Impossible :/

Photo: Chellemichelle/ Pinterest

Have you ever wondered how it's possible that in your 20s, romantic encounters seemed more natural, connections more spontaneous, and people simply "matched" you more easily?

And now, in your 30s or 40s, when you're more mature, more successful, more self-aware, everything is so impossible in the love department?

And yes, according to a new trend on TikTok, this happens for a very simple and very strange reason: The Lightbulb Theory.

So what is the Lightbulb Theory?

Created by British journalist Louise Perry and popularized by TikToker Allie Voss, this theory compares the search for a partner to... the search for a good light bulb.

When you're in the early stages of your adult life, you have few standards for a lamp. It just wants to light up the room and not be too expensive. You grab the first one you see and maybe match all the other furniture around it.

The same thing happens with love: when we're young we're not so demanding. We give chances, we learn, we don't have a defined "lifestyle" or strong expectations.

But later...

After 10-15 years, you have invested in your life, career, well-being, personal boundaries, aesthetics and self-esteem. Now, a lamp cannot be everywhere. It has to be something that goes with every corner of the room, otherwise it ruins the whole atmosphere.

The same thing happens with a partner. Now you're not looking for someone who "is good, is enough", but someone who doesn't conflict with the values, rhythm, life and standards you've built.

And for successful women?

The situation becomes even more complicated. The higher you climb professionally, the harder it is to find someone who isn't hampered by complexes, comparisons, or fears about your independence. 

For this reason, many people end up making compromises or, as TikToker Voss puts it, “changing the ‘house’ they built just to fit a light bulb.” So, they might be sacrificing parts of themselves just to make room for someone.

Is there light at the end of the... bulb?

Yes, but on one condition: you have to be realistic. You can't look for someone emotionally "pure" in their 30s or 40s. We've all lived, experienced, made mistakes, and learned.

The key? Find someone who isn't perfect, but who fits into the life you've built, like a lamp that doesn't stand out, but shines exactly as it should.

_{Source: Your Tango}