The detail that saved us: Did the conflict in the Beckham family start with the roasted chicken video?

Photo: David and Victoria Beckham, Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz.

No one is claiming that Brooklyn Beckham's decision to break away from his family was made today for tomorrow. But what is increasingly clear is that today, unlike in the past, these decisions are no longer necessarily accompanied by shame, guilt or silence. The language of therapy and social media groups have made it easier for young people to say "enough".

As the public continues to unravel the Beckham family drama, one seemingly trivial detail has gone unnoticed: a video of a roast chicken. If you were busy with your own life in December, you may have missed the fact that everything went downhill when Victoria Beckham "liked" her son's Instagram video of Brooklyn cooking.

Some took issue with the fact that the chicken looked a little undercooked. Others mocked Brooklyn’s culinary ambitions. But for those familiar with the modern dynamics of family separation, the problem was quite different: that “like” was seen as a boundary violation. In the new language of this world, Victoria had gone from “no contact” to “minimum contact.” And in these circumstances, even such a gesture is considered intrusive.

Terms like no contact , low contact , or very low contact are not invented by the Beckhams. They come from online communities where adult children, hurt by their relationships with their parents, support each other. Family separation is nothing new, but now the experience is being named and normalized, to relieve people of the burden of guilt for emotionally difficult decisions.

Of course, there are also critics who say that these decisions are being made too easily today, sometimes even driven by immaturity. In a time when words like narcissism , emotional abuse , or gaslighting are used without reserve, parents are often considered guilty.

On the other hand, there are those who say: "we all make mistakes, don't dramatize it." Even David Beckham articulated this thought, more carefully, when he said that "children have the right to make mistakes." The truth is that very few people cut off contact with their family without thinking twice. And just as many people live with abusive parents without finding the strength to leave.

Between total withdrawal and endless patience, there are also middle paths. One of them is called "gray rocking" : staying in touch, but without getting emotionally involved; listening, nodding, and not reacting. A survival strategy for those who don't want to – or can't – cut ties completely.

Meanwhile, parents are also starting to react. Support groups are popping up on social media for parents who feel excluded from their adult children's lives. One of them was created by a woman who was not invited to her daughter's wedding and now has tens of thousands of followers. The message is clear: this side of the story has its own pain.

For David and Victoria Beckham, perhaps for the first time, the myth of the perfect family has been shattered. But even for them, now, there's a support group waiting for them.

Written by Emma Brockes, Guardian columnist; adapted by Anabel.