If you can use these tactics to cope with manipulative parents, you have built a strength that many adults never achieve.
When we are young, our parents are unmistakable figures. But as we grow up, this relationship naturally changes and the role that parents play in our lives also transforms. In most cases, this is a healthy development. But it happens that the relationship not only does not change, but it also deteriorates.
Some parents are unable to relinquish control over their adult children. To maintain this control, they may constantly act like victims, exclude their children's partners, blame their children for everything that goes wrong in their lives, or place conditions on the love they give.
If you know these 6 ways to stop manipulative parents, you're stronger than most adults:
1. Determine their purpose
When you're dealing with a frustrating parent or in-law, it's easy to believe that every request they make is coming from a place of emotional manipulation. And that's probably true, but it's important to exercise empathy and assess the entire situation.
Is your mother-in-law asking you to do something simply because she wants it done her way, or because she wants to spend time with you? Is your father trying to force you to do something, or is he just feeling lonely?
Psychologist Toni Falcone explains:
“Determine this by looking at the whole story, not just the words being said or the situation at the moment. Have boundaries been respected before or been violated? Does he/she show interest in your life, or is he/she only focused on himself/herself?”
These questions help to better understand parents and to avoid using the word "manipulation" more often than necessary.
2. Set boundaries
Manipulative parents don't stop until they get what they want. They know how to hit weak spots until the person in front of them gives up.
To prevent this from happening, set clear boundaries from the beginning and don't let them break them. Don't let them make you feel guilty about the boundaries you've set for your well-being.
Falcone adds:
“If you have to leave at 9 p.m., trust your decision and know why you are doing it. This will help you communicate clearly and protect the boundary when the manipulation escalates.”
Manipulation is a highly intrusive parenting style that research shows has negative consequences for children's development. Manipulative parents often push emotional, mental, and physical boundaries, making children feel worthless and unheard.
3. Ask questions
When parents use guilt or shame as a tool to force you to do what they want ("If you love me, you'll come help me"), it's time to ask questions.
What do they really need? Is it urgent? Can it wait? Don't be afraid to be skeptical, especially if this is a recurring pattern of behavior.
Falcone emphasizes the importance of this:
“By verifying the facts, you can quickly understand if information is incomplete or distorted. This allows you to make a decision based on reality and maintain control.”
4. Listen to your body
Emotional manipulation is tiring and exhausting, especially when you've been dealing with it for years. Even without realizing it, the behavior of a manipulative parent or in-law can have a strong impact on your well-being.
Falcone says:
"If you feel tired, sad, self-doubting, or bad after a date with this person, it's very likely that the relationship is unhealthy or toxic."
Your body can signal danger before your mind does. Research shows that emotional abuse and stress are directly linked to physical health.
5. Ask for help
Having someone to support you, whether it's a spouse, sibling, or close friend, can make a big difference when dealing with manipulative parents or in-laws.
Falcone suggests:
“Having a person who helps you maintain boundaries is very helpful.”
But she warns:
"Be careful that this process does not turn into gossip or exclusion of the other from the family."
6. Put your thoughts on paper.
When you're in the middle of an emotionally manipulative situation, your feelings can become confusing and difficult to process. So, get a journal and write down everything you're feeling. Write down what happened, how you felt, and what impact the behavior had on you.
Falcone suggests that this process also serves as a form of reflection:
"What impact does this repeated behavior have on your relationship? Consider having a frank conversation with your family member later."
Manipulation by parents can have profound consequences: low self-esteem, shame, anger, and guilt. Ironically, it is precisely feelings of guilt and shame that are the main tools of manipulation.
Often, children raised by manipulative parents absorb negative internal messages: that they are worthless, not enough, or unworthy of love. Writing can help replace these voices with more loving thoughts about themselves.
Psychologist Carla Marie Manly adds:
"When an emotionally stable person feels anger, annoyance, or disrespect after an interaction, it is often a sign that manipulation has occurred."
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