Between us: "How can I make it so that I can't even respect my daughter's friend?"

Between us/ ANABEL

I don't know if this has happened to any other parents, but I haven't recognized my daughter since she started dating a new girl. I know her friend, because they were in the same class in high school, but my daughter has changed 180 degrees since she got too close to her.

Now she doesn't talk to me about anything. Only when she wants something. She's started wearing exaggerated things, puts on makeup in the morning before school, doesn't let go of her phone, spends hours on TikTok, and is constantly worried that the video she posted with her friend didn't turn out well. She's neglected her schoolwork, and her teacher even told me that many times she doesn't do it at all.

I know that "it's age, it's generation" and maybe you'll say "just stop hanging out with the girl" or "stay on your toes". But it's not that simple. How do you stop a 15-year-old girl from having her own company and stand guard over her every step? Every time I've mentioned it to her, she's exploded: "You don't understand me! Why do you always control me?!"

And actually, maybe she's right. Not about the way she reacts, but about the feeling that I want to control her. Because I'm scared of the idea that she could be influenced, that she could forget the values ??with which I raised her. Because I remember when she would help me with small chores around the house or when she would follow her parents' example and copy our actions, like reading before dinner. Now she's totally... distant and speaks in words that we can't even understand anymore.

I don't like that friend at all, to be honest. I saw her mother at one of the school meetings, she spoke to me with an irony that I could feel in her tone of voice. It's not that I want to judge her, but she gave me that feeling of a person who considers herself above others. And maybe this also affects my daughter, who now wants the latest iPhone, or valuable vacations to throw into her Instagram "feed".

Lately, I've started to look at things differently from the "bad" ones. There are times when I think about removing my daughter from that group, but then I remember myself in high school, I also had friends that my parents didn't like. And after a year, life separated us by itself. Maybe it will happen this time too. Or maybe not.

If there's one thing I've learned as a mother, it's this: it's not up to us to choose our children's friends. It's up to us to be there when these societies change, and to remember that we're always behind them, like a shadow, like a shelter. As terrible as this is, as difficult as it is for people like me, who, as my daughter says, are "control freaks". I would appreciate any thoughts from other parents, thank you," written for Anabel, for the "Among Us" column, by a sincere mother.

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