Have you ever started a relationship that seems promising, everything is going well, the sex is great, and the communication is great? You spend time together, you have common interests, and everything seems ready to move into a more serious phase, until suddenly you start to feel cold and pressured, and maybe even want to end it.
If this situation sounds familiar, you may be experiencing a fear of intimacy or emotional commitment, a common dynamic among those who have gone through childhood trauma, painful breakups, or have grown up with the idea that expressing feelings is weakness.
According to Alison Gomez, a relationship and marriage therapist, emotional trauma at a young age directly affects how we experience relationships in later life.
"If a child has grown up believing that emotions are dangerous or shameful, they will learn to hide them, even as an adult," she explains.
5 signs that should not be ignored:
1. You don't share your true feelings.
When something is bothering you, you don't share it with your partner, not because you don't care, but because you feel insecure. You can spend years in a relationship without ever really opening up. Hiding your emotions seems like the surest way to avoid disappointment, but it actually prevents you from forming deep connections.
2. You don't share your personal problems.
Just like emotions, you face the challenges you experience, at work, with your family, or even within your relationship, alone. You don't ask for help, you don't open up, because you feel safer when you have complete control. This makes your partner feel excluded, while you feel alone.
3. Avoids serious and long-term relationships
Instead of deep connections, you've had more short, low-key experiences. Flirting and casual relationships seem safer because they don't require you to reveal your full self. Even when you're in a longer-term relationship, you can be emotionally distant.
4. Social connections are also limited
Fear of intimacy doesn't just affect your romantic life. It often manifests itself in friendships as well. You may have friends/cliques, but you don't connect deeply. You don't feel comfortable sharing your worries or feelings, and you often put up invisible barriers to protect your "emotional space."
5. When things get tough, you back down.
Instead of seeking support when you face difficulties, you withdraw. You close yourself off. You don't share anything with anyone, not your partner, not your family, not your friends. And this gives you a false sense of security, while in essence it only deepens the feeling of loneliness.
What can you do?
Fear of intimacy is not a life sentence, it is an emotional wound that can be healed, with time, awareness, and help. The first step is to accept it, and then start creating safe spaces where you can be yourself.
If you often find yourself in these situations, don't blame yourself. Reflect, talk to someone, seek professional help if you can. Because sometimes, what seems like self-defense is actually a form of loneliness that you don't deserve.
