At a time when self-care and peace of mind are promoted as life priorities (and rightly so), some people take this philosophy to extremes. They begin to ignore others and focus solely on themselves, often at the expense of the feelings and well-being of their partners or loved ones.
This type of selfish behavior, which at first glance may seem like "setting boundaries," actually masks a lack of empathy and is called " banksying ," a modern form of emotional manipulation in relationships.
What is "banksying"?
The term derives from the name of the famous British artist Banksy, known for his art that appears suddenly, covertly, and unexpectedly in public spaces.
In the context of relationships, banksying describes the behavior of a partner who leaves suddenly, without warning or explanation. They seem to "disappear off the face of the earth," leaving the other person confused, hurt, and without any explanation.
But in reality, leaving is not as spontaneous as it seems. Often the person has spent weeks or months planning it, becoming emotionally cold, while acting as if everything is fine.
According to relationship expert Amy Chan, banksying is simply a way to avoid emotional responsibility.
"The person who withdraws has processed the breakup over time and delivers the news when they are emotionally prepared, while the other partner is left shocked. This behavior is selfish, immature, and shows an inability to handle conflict."
In the age of dating apps, where connections are made and broken quickly, this way of parting has become increasingly common.
How do you tell when someone is " banking "?
Although it may be difficult to catch it right away, there are some signals that should not be ignored:
Their behavior becomes strange, but the words don't match the actions.
They start giving you less time, less attention, and less dedication.
They may behave as they always do, sometimes even more dedicatedly, just to avoid being "caught red-handed."
I feel like something has changed, but when I ask them, they say "everything is fine."
As one expert says:
"They don't speak with words, but their behavior speaks volumes. Don't ignore your gut feeling. If something seems wrong, it usually is."
What do we learn from this behavior?
The phenomenon of banksying shows us a bitter reality: many people are becoming increasingly unable to cope with uncomfortable emotional situations. Instead of speaking out and sharing with dignity, they choose silence and avoidance, causing unnecessary pain.
Essentially, banksying is not about self-care, but about a lack of empathy, communication, and emotional maturity.
If you see this behavior in someone close to you, don't ignore it. And if you're doing it yourself, stop and ask yourself:
Am I protecting myself, or hurting someone else to avoid a difficult conversation?
