I'm not entirely sure where to start. This October we make 5 years of marriage. I do not even remember why I accepted this marriage. We did not propose to each other and we did not speak enough together.
They did not even force me or you. Both, we accepted thinking that our parents would be happy.
At first, I was happy with the idea, but the closer my wedding day approached, the more I was irritated. I was not happy, but with me I thought that in the end everything would go well.
The first months of marriage resembled a novel, introduced you to my friends and so we would know each other better. Anyhow, there was always something in my mind that did not go.
No one except my close social circle knows I'm married. To the outside world, you're a secret. There is nothing Facebook posting that unites us. Other couples change their surnames, take pictures together, or add-ons and birthdays. Not me!
I look after you, protect you, buy whatever you want, but I have no emotional connection with you. The truth is that I have never loved you properly, or I give you back the love you gave me.
It is painful to see how you look in my eyes and tell me "I Love You". "I love you" is my answer, but it is empty, without emotion. At our best, we are nothing more than good friends. After 5 years I still do not know what your favorite color is.
Our sexual life almost does not exist at all; in the last 18 months we have only sex 3 times. In conversation among friends, my friend told me about sex with his partner. I was depressed knowing their routine.
As a 30-year-old I am, I want to have a regular sex life, but not with you. I love someone with whom I have emotional attraction. I can not force myself so hard to touch you in that way.
Last year, you went to your family and stayed there for several weeks in a row. I was just at home and I felt so happy. Most people are sad when they only find the house, but I do not. In my heart, I prayed so much that you did not turn back.
I know that he will do all that I was happy but disaster, I do not want to be with you anymore. Anyhow, I miss the courage to tell you I want to divorce. I do not want to hurt you, but I do not know how to do this conversation with you.
Never in my life had I thought I would marry and later enjoy the divorce. When you turn your head back, I realize I should never have accepted marrying. I should not just accept the idea that my parents would be happy.
As I said before, I do not fancy you, but I will not hurt you. I'm not selfish, I'm just unhappy in the situation that we are.
* Note: This letter has been adapted by The Guardian.
