I met for the first time in ten years, after three marriages and four children between us, and it seems to me that everything is the same. But of course it is not. We're in the forties now, both the oldest, the healthiest, the tired. The joyful days of the twentieth have been left behind in time. We have left behind and the irresponsible days - this lunch had to be planned in advance.

We both have two children, you have had two women - for which I was jealous, even though you have never officially been mine.

Keeping in touch was simple as Facebook provided me with a window in your life. I've seen wedding photos, kids photos, I've seen your happiness - happiness with a woman I was not. It was not simple, beyond our agreement.

Do younger generations have benefits? Friends with whom you can enjoy sex and the beauty of friendship without the pain of a missed call or partition?

We had such a relationship for years and we often congratulated each other for avoiding the complications of a relationship, feeling, and even love.

But I love you. Wish you started when we were friends with benefits. I liked you when you brought your girlfriends home and I was throwing things in shoes (immature, I know). I liked you when you moved to another town for work and wept for days. I wanted you to dance at my wedding. I wanted you to hear about your wedding.

I once told someone about our relationship and asked how long we had together. I remember her face when I told her that we have never been together, we did not come to the meeting, we did not send letters to St. Valentine. When I told her I had done things with you, I would not do it with my husband.

Experts say that if you're lucky, fall in love three times in life. I broke the rules and allowed you to be one of them three times. You should not be a love story. You should be something to laugh at dinner with friends, an internal joke with your friends, a 'do you remember when ...'

You should not be the one who left.

Written by an anonymous woman for The Guardian.