We all want others to see us positively, but we also want to see ourselves the same way. That's the key to understanding Jonah Berger's simple tactic for getting people to say what you want them to say.
Berger explained the technique using a Stanford University study involving preschoolers. Researchers asked groups of 5-year-olds the same question: Would you help clean up?
The difference was in the way the question was phrased. One group was asked, "Can you help with the cleaning?" The other group was asked, "Can you become a cleaning assistant?"
Children who were asked if they wanted to be an "assistant" were 30% more likely to want to clean the classroom. They weren't as interested in cleanliness, but they wanted to be known as a "helper/assistant."
The expert believes that reframing the question was key to getting children involved in cleaning the classroom.
"It's about the distinction between actions and identities. We all want to see ourselves as smart, capable and intelligent in a number of different things," Berger said.
In short, if you learn to rephrase requests to appeal to people's identities, you will become more persuasive.
This technique doesn't just work because people want to see themselves positively. It works for the opposite as well. People also want to avoid negative labels.
"Cheating is bad, but being a cheater is worse." "Losing is negative, being a loser is even worse," says Berger.
The same tactic can also be used to convince ourselves to change our perception. Saying you like to cook is one thing, but calling yourself a chef is an identity.
"I'm a runner. I'm a great student. You have to focus on these things because that's the identity you have."
Berger's explanation shows how important it is to improve our communication skills. By simply changing one word, we can make people fulfill our requests more effectively. Words are magic and we must use them skillfully.
Source: Marie Claire
