Most of us have at least one person in our lives who it's almost impossible not to clash with because they think they know everything and are convinced they're always right.
Avoiding the conversation is an easy solution, but it's not the best if you want the relationship to last. So what can you do with people like that?
Communication, leadership, and persuasion expert Dr. Jeff Bogaczyk has shared with YourTango.com a three-step method for “softening” these people’s arrogance and getting them to truly listen.
“Don't waste your time trying to convince someone who always needs to be right,” he explains.
"Don't spend hours on logic, facts, and arguments, because it just doesn't work."
According to him, the reason is simple: when people feel challenged, they perceive it as an attack on their identity. As a result, they stop listening to you and, on the contrary, deepen their position even more. If you have been in a political debate recently, you have probably experienced this.
Instead of trying to "beat" them with arguments, Dr. Bogaczyk suggests asking these three questions, which avoid defensiveness and pave the way for a reasonable conversation:
1. "Is there anything that could change your mind?"
This question forces them to reflect on their flexibility. As Dr. Bogaczyk says, this shifts the conversation from a personal confrontation to a theoretical, calmer, less threatening discussion. This can help them see things from a different perspective.
2. “If you were wrong, where do you think the mistake would be?”
Many of them will immediately respond: “But I’m not wrong!” However, if the person truly values ??the relationship with you, they may accept this as a mental exercise.
People often react defensively or angrily because deep down they feel insecure. Thinking about this question gives them the opportunity to explore their vulnerabilities without feeling threatened.
3. “Which part of your argument would you call the least accurate?”
Even if they insist they have no weaknesses, you can calmly ask:
"Okay, but if you had to choose a weaker part, what would it be?"
The goal is not to “catch them in the wrong,” but to get them to think and see the issue from a different angle. This helps shift the conversation from emotions to reasoning.
