Why do our parents behave differently when they become grandparents?

The moment our parents become grandparents, it seems that they have a much easier time loving their grandchildren, or at least demonstrating the love they feel for them. On the other hand, children find it easier to trust their grandparents than their mother and father.

Why do our parents "soften" when they become grandparents?

Therapist Leon F. Seltzer suggests several reasons:

1. The older the person, the more humble

It cannot be denied that some people become more bitter as they age, but the fact is that most of them become less affected by everyday frustrations.

Also, as people grow older, their expectations of others become more modest, as they have become better able to see the world as it is, rather than as they would prefer it to be. Their attitude tends to be more tolerant, accepting and forgiving.

As a result, grandparents are also likely to view their grandchildren's misbehavior much less harshly than when they were raising their own children. So, what may have bothered them, or even angered them with your words and actions when you were young, grandparents may now recognize as more or less justifiable for the children's age.

2. The pitfalls of parenting versus the joys of the grandparent role

There isn't a single parent in the world who hasn't "lost it" from time to time with their children, but as the next generation passes, grandparents aren't usually asked to deal with their grandchildren even when they're at their worst. theirs. They are not required to function as disciplinarians, so they can be more lenient.

Having completed the arduous, stressful and responsible work of raising their own children, they are in a much better position to sit back and enjoy all the things young children say and do: their innocence , the playful and creative behaviors, the endless sense of wonder and curiosity, the surprisingly novel (and even cute) ways of expressing yourself, and so on.

The daily stress that comes with parenting is absent from grandparent-child relationships. And so their role is less complicated and less troublesome.

3. Grandparents try harder

It is inevitable for children to love their parents. No matter how well they are treated by their grandparents, they are still dependent on their primary caregivers.

Children can bond even more closely with parents who are emotionally, physically or even sexually abusive. And how can it not be so when their needs are so great that it is important that they do everything possible to feel safe in the family?

The reunification of children with their grandparents, which is not based on such great dependence, does not feel so critical to the children. So, grandparents cannot take their children's love for granted at all. They have to earn it.

This is why grandparents, and especially grandmothers, will go to great lengths to make their grandchildren bond with them. And this is one reason why they can be famous for "spoiling" the offspring of their offspring.

4. A chance to correct the mistakes of the past

As parents age, it's not uncommon for them to think about past mistakes they made with their children when they were growing up. In fact, as children grow older, they themselves are more likely to criticize their parents for what they felt was harmful in the way they were raised. They may have felt over-controlled, disrespected or not given the support they needed.

Grandparents (and again, grandmothers in particular) may be anxious to correct these past failings by being more attentive and showing more love and care.

With greater patience, open-heartedness, compassion, and wisdom, they are in an excellent position to provide their grandchildren with what many years ago may not have been within their means to provide. offered to children.

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