"I am a happily married man of over 20 years with a wonderful family and life that I wouldn't change for anything. I met and married quite young and – while I enjoyed having various sexual encounters before I got married – I always had a nagging feeling that I was missing out on certain experiences.
Some are not very common, such as a triplet; others are more mundane, such as having sex with someone just for one night. I love my sex life, but sometimes I feel like I've never "finished the album," so to speak. I'm starting to resent people who have had more experiences, as if it's a competition, even when I know other things in my life are so much better than theirs.
While I'm very happy and would never consider leaving the marriage to deal with a possibly over-the-top wish list, how do I get over this overwhelming feeling that there's a void that won't fill me? never complete? – writes a man about Pamela Stephenson Connolly.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is an American psychotherapist, specializing in the treatment of sexual disorders. Here's how she answers:
"Try to see these thoughts as fantasies - wonderful expressions of healthy eroticism that can serve as a means of keeping you sexually alive - and even increasing your sexual desire for women. Please don't take this to mean that you should fantasize about other people while making love to the woman...it's better to focus on her.
I mean that fantasies serve a purpose – either to facilitate arousal, masturbation, or a sense of private pleasure and sexual excitement. Unfortunately, you've associated these feelings with regret, and you're not alone. Studies have shown that most people think and fantasize about having sex with someone other than their spouse.
Fortunately, you seem too smart to succumb to peer pressure or risk losing the life you have for something that's really just a fluke."
