If you've ever dismissed your struggles because someone else's seem worse, you're not alone. But the thing to understand is this: dismissing your feelings doesn't help anyone, neither you nor the people you're trying to support.
The trap of comparative suffering
Feeling that your pain is "not worth it" because others have it worse is often called comparative suffering. It is the mental gymnastics we perform to convince ourselves that our struggles are not worthy of attention.
Comparative suffering comes from a loving place. We want to acknowledge the struggles of others and avoid feeling selfish or self-absorbed. But here's the thing: downplaying your feelings doesn't lessen anyone else's pain. It just devalues ??yours. Emotions are not a competition. There are no gold medals for "greatest difficulty," and suffering is not a zero-sum game. In fact, when you deny your feelings, you're more likely to end up feeling overwhelmed, angry, or disconnected; not exactly the best version of myself to support others.
Why is it important to "honor" your feelings?
Processing your emotions isn't selfish, it's essential. When you create space for your feelings, you free up emotional energy to truly show up for others without sinking into the ground. It's the classic airplane oxygen mask analogy: you have to put your own mask on before you can help someone else.
Acknowledging your feelings also allows you to move through them instead of getting stuck. As psychologist Susan David puts it, "Worry is the price of admission to a meaningful life." Ignoring your emotions may seem easier in the short term, but over time, it can lead to exhaustion, bitterness, or emotional detachment.
How do you recognize your difficult week while still holding space for others? Here are three strategies that help and you can try as a starting point.
1. Stop judging your emotions
When you catch yourself thinking, I shouldn't feel this way, pause and reframe your thoughts. Your feelings are valid, no matter how they compare to someone else's. You don't need to justify your emotions or prove their worth, they're just part of being human.
A useful mantra to remember is: Feelings are not facts, they are signals. Instead of judging yourself for feeling sad, anxious, or frustrated, try asking: What is this emotion trying to tell me? Maybe it's a signal that you need rest, connection, or clarity about something that's weighing you down.
2. Create space for self-compassion
When you're used to putting others first, it's easy to neglect your own needs. But self-compassion isn't a treat, it's a practice of treating yourself with the same kindness you would extend to a friend.
In conclusion, processing emotions does not make you weak. It makes you human. By honoring what you feel, you create space to heal, grow, and present yourself to others in an authentic way. Because in difficult weeks, big or small, we all deserve the opportunity to be seen, even by ourselves.
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