The divorce statistics are shocking. However, in light of such documented failure, we all know couples who are just as in love today as they were when they married 50 years ago. We see it in their eyes, hear it as they talk together, and feel it in the simple way they communicate with each other. What is their secret? Research reveals some of the beliefs and behaviors behind marital happiness.
Kamel Gana and other researchers, in a 2013 study of 146 heterosexual couples, examined the effects of different love styles on marital satisfaction.
Of all the reviews, Gana et al. found that the ends of the spectrum were Eros, which was most endorsed in their research, and Ludus, which was least endorsed. They describe an Eros style as "passionate love inspired and carried by strong physical and emotional attraction to a partner", and a "Ludus" style as a "playing games" conception of love. Therefore, they note that a playful lover sees love as a fun game, does not feel jealous, and avoids spending too much time with any one partner in particular to avoid commitment.
Regarding the impact on long-term relationships, Gana et al. found that Eros alone contributed to marital satisfaction for both men and women. They also found that women with an Eros love style had a positive impact on men's marital satisfaction, but not the other way around.
Staying in a relationship, continuing to fall in love
For many couples, falling in love is easy; staying in love is the challenge. But as has been demonstrated both anecdotally and empirically, keeping the fire and passion burning involves behaving in ways that remind couples of the reasons they fell in love in the first place.
Long-married partners often explain their enduring relationship in very simple terms, describing how they "like" and "love" each other and appreciate their spouse's personality.
Suzanne Riela etc. (2010) investigated some of the factors that influence the experience of falling in love. They found that among the many factors involved, mutual liking and a partner's desirable personality appeared to be the most important precursors to falling in love.
Some long-married couples claim that their lasting marital satisfaction is easy. Others admit that it takes effort to maintain satisfaction—but it's worth it.
Source: Psychology Today
