A new study published in the latest issue of the quarterly journal, Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, discusses the reasons why we self-sabotage love. Romantic self-sabotage refers to the use of self-destructive actions in romantic relationships that aim to "hinder the success of the relationship or withdraw the effort and justify the failure."
The findings of the study are summarized below.
Data for the study were collected from an online survey. An international sample of 696 individuals with relationship experience was recruited. At least 50 countries were represented, with 47% (mostly students) coming from Australia. The mean age was 31 years (ages range from 15 to 80 years); 75% gra; 80% heterosexual; 62% in a romantic relationship.
Participants gave five types of reasons why they sabotage their romantic relationship.
Fear: Such as fear of injury: broken heart, rejection, fear of abandonment. Also fear of commitment, betrayal, intimacy, failure and loneliness.
Poor self-esteem or negative self-concept (for example: feelings of inferiority).
Difficulty to believe: Sometimes these were caused by betrayal of the past.
High expectations: Associated with perfectionist tendencies; fabulous fantasies.
Inadequate skills to be in a relationship: Due to immaturity, lack of experience, etc.
A look at (self) sabotage
Only a few participants successfully identified their destructive patterns. They describe how their current relationship was damaged by their worries and behaviors - for example, times when they did not know how to separate, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, self-denying expectations, attraction to inappropriate partners, feelings of insecurity, and so on. .
To illustrate, one female participant explained:
"I'm not good at sharing with people, so I sabotage the relationship to the point where it gets very bad and ends 'naturally'."
The most important strategies for maintaining healthy romantic relationships are trust, open communication, commitment, acceptance, security .
Burimi: Psychology Today
