The dilemma is common. He was dissatisfied, he did not feel wanted, blah blah blah ... We are in our 50s, unmarried and without children. We have been together for 16 years and have been friends for 18 others.
He left me last year. Then I discovered the betrayal, but he told me that the betrayal started just 3 months before he left me. After nine weeks away, we reconciled and he ended his relationship. I did not understand why he was so upset, then I found out that the relationship had actually been 3 years, not 3 months. Then why did he leave her and come back to me? He told me, he did so because "he really loved me and hoped we would be happy again".
During those three years, I was bullied at work, I went from a higher paid job to a lower paid one, then thankfully I found a job I liked. Then I found out I had breast cancer and was badly affected by the treatment. It has been an overloaded period for me in every aspect.
Now he says he has no more contact with her, but how can I believe him? I want to contact the other woman because I am convinced that she is telling me the truth.
Marielle, her therapist, tells her that "they are likely to have communicated, but what is the value now?"
"Your partner has found the simplest 'solution' to his problems, but it is imperative that you put his actions into context, whatever you do. Realizing that you have both experienced one of the most difficult periods life's troublesome can help alleviate some of the anger you have because “he abandoned you when you needed him most.” You have every right to be angry, but you should see as something gone what you have experienced and do not stay "buried" in the illness you went through, in bullying at work, in his betrayal.It is time to put yourself and your needs first and that means you will probably need time, too. understand what your needs are.You will probably realize that you no longer "need" a partner,for that partner you either just don't love him anymore, or you will find out the opposite. "
She continues:
"You can forgive your partner or you can leave, but either way, stop digging in an attempt to uncover evidence of further infidelity. This is the worst thing. He has made it clear that you are his priority. "For you, it may or may not be your priority."
Much of what has happened is the result of poor communication, but only you can decide if you want to try to fix the relationship or see your lives. The answer to this is yours alone, but asking for more betrayal, more 'dirt' from him, especially at the point you are at, is by no means the solution.
Adapted from The Guardian
