I hope this letter from your beloved wife does not surprise you very much. Clearly, I do not exist in your world. At least not in the present tense. You must have realized that someone brought his son to life. Most likely, you think me dead.
I'm not dead. We live together, at least for now. We're still in the same bed, though not in that context, since I found out about you.
I was helping her with her new cellphone (never heard of technology) when she received a message with emoji and kisses from you. Because I had your number it was easy to find your social networks and then your address. You live with your parents, a few miles from his office. I had never checked my cellphone before. I had no cause. I still get it wrong, the fact that I put my nose into your conversations.
I can't hold you back. You look young, well grown and you have no idea what you are getting into. I don't resent him either. He's very sick.
For years, I stayed with my depressed husband as denial that he was sick worsened everything because he did not receive treatment.
I have spent hours listening to her speak out against the principles she has had all her life, just to get the success and fame she thinks she deserves. I supported him when businesses failed, when we moved and when he changed jobs. I let him turn our lives upside down, just to be happy. It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't do this anymore. Neither can you.
Ever since I found out about you, I've started baiting them. I ask innocent questions and I hear her lying to me. It amazes me how easily it does. My friends have been discreet and have not hit me in the face that he lied to me from the beginning - about age, about his ex-wife, about his grown son. For service in the military.
You think he is a single hero father, maneuvering for his son and tiring career. You think he's rich. You pay for your dinner and hotel expenses with a secret credit card. While I was selling stuff on eBay to pay for Christmas expenses.
Is he sick? Or is it just a rogue? However, the man I fell in love with no longer exists. Hope you understand it earlier than I do. I hope that lies do not break your heart. You deserve to be more than just a lover. Hope to find your blue prince.
Written for The Guardian by an anonymous woman.
