Yesterday, on the Anabel Magazine page on Facebook, our readers were free to write us for what they wanted. The following woman, who preferred to remain anonymous, confessed an extremely painful story of her life. After getting pregnant with two twin boys, unfortunately and unexpectedly, she learned that the baby's breasts had ceased.
"Dear my dear sons, who did not know you,
The day I realized that a creature was growing in my body was the most beautiful day of my life. Even more beautiful was the day I made an eclectic look at your gender and realized that you were not one but two.
I do not know why, but I and your father thought you were a girl and everything we bought was pink. He was so applauded when the doctor said that in my stomach there are two twins, but two boys. We laughed and scared off the great love we had for you. Your dad loves me every day. You worshiped so much that, occasionally, you were bored with me that I did not have to eat strange things. According to him, I should eat well that you were fine. It was all so beautiful and so much soothing sensation when your father swore that it would become a poem for you to be the happiest kids in the world.
But in routine control, we found out that your hearts had stopped. I do not know why in the month when the little we expected to keep you in your arms, your hearts stopped. Give me a great pain. A gap that no one can fill.
By the love your father had for you, he accused me of not caring enough about yourself and you and here we are today ... divided and each in his life. Perhaps it made it easier for him to pass the pain by blaming me. Maybe I should be stretched for nine months without doing anything. Maybe he was right, but there is nothing.
I love her best and I wish to become a father to another woman. Dad of twins, just as he wanted. As you my children, I want to tell you that you made me feel the most beautiful feeling, that of the two angels sent to move on my body. I will let you go because otherwise I know I will be isolated in the world of pain. But believe me, you are always part of my soul. Excuse me that I could not see you. "- Anonymous
Driven by the above story, another woman showed her story. She too was pregnant with two twin boys, and she suffered abortion, but not spontaneous. Lori lost her sons as a result of the violence the husband had exerted on him.
"I read the story of a mother who had lost her twins a while ago and touched me after many memories came to my mind. I wanted to write that maybe that woman finds some strength and courage to move forward.
Once and I experienced more or less the same event. But, unlike the mother in question, I lived three years with a man who, besides psychological violence, also recently began physical violence. Even when we were making other women in my eye, it was justified as if you were joking. He prayed to me for a child that in his mind things would change if we had children. I did not accept, and often I said that he was not in the position to bear responsibility for himself and not for a child. After a period began and my mother felt accused that I could not give a child to my spouse. Meanwhile, from the psychological violence she exercised every day, from a man of high self-esteem, I realized that I probably was the only culprit in that relationship. At least that made me feel when he lowered me when he despised me when I did not like any of my thoughts, any clothing, no cooking, the agony that was made of me against him with love.
Until, one day I told the news that she would become a father. So it was something he had insisted for months and should be quite happy. In fact the opposite happened that man did not know what he wanted. If you wanted alcohol, drugs, relatives, or the family that was in the quotation marks. When he wanted to have fun and had not come home for days, he would return with gifts of flowers in his hands. Meanwhile, that I said ours was all wrong, that I was no longer happy and that I would seek help from a psychologist. He promised me every week that he would change and dedicate myself to me and our children. Blank words. The next day he turned me against me, he shouted when I was lying: You're always ill, you do not know how to do anything, even though he found everything ready at home. You do not have much to say and full of other words. Often, I had to do hard work, but to whom it was interesting. Not least to him.
One evening I touched me and told me that when I was born I would take the children. It was not the first time that touched me, but I swore it would be the last time I let it go. How many tears were said in the streets of the city that drifted to me and asked the Lord why all these things, why me when I did not harm any size. It seemed to me that no one was listening to me. The family told me to stop, come home, it's not life. But he was crying like a child, praying and I would go back and again listen to humiliation and daughter very psychologically.
I thought, how could the hands that once embraced me now leave marks on my body. The day after the violence I was wrong, I felt bad, answered me on the phone that she was going out with friends to celebrate and I could very well hskoja alone in the hospital as we lived only two minutes away. (Friends were his justification to gather in places and to go to the other women after reading messages on his cell phone, but they were justified to be friends of friends that they did not have batteries.) All right. it did those things, were his words.
I go almost dead in the hospital and I find out that the little breasts had ceased. How many tears I poured, I say is a dream. He came and wept and he. I thought I really was touched and swore as always that she would change and we would have other children later and I as a blind idiot with a hurt heart, I believed. I believed again. I thought that he was saddened by the soul just as much as I felt now empty with my creatures within me.
Without spending 24 hours, drinking me tells me that babies are doing well to leave because I would not be a worthy mother, I did not care enough for them and would never do it. One thing I realized by that man, when people are close and blameworthy, try to lower them as much as psychologically suppressing you so that you do not have the strength to contradict. These people need professional help, but they do not always admit that they feel right.
With family support, I managed to raise my voice and tell everything stop. Though I know there are females everywhere they subdue within themselves by these male poles, who think that the world is directed only by their organs and have no where to rely. But the woman is strong and I wish no female in the world to hold her voice to the fore, but to raise it whenever it becomes an injustice. I wish Albanian parents to support more girls and educate their boys with the spirit of love rather than violence.
Today I believe in God, I still have two creatures within me, but this time with a supportive, motivating husband who is proud to be close to me. A man whom the Lord has sent to the earth to make me happy. Every morning I thank God and every time we leave both at work, please protect me and be with me forever. "- Lori.
