In our society, it has become common to hear women talking angrily about "the other woman" / the one who, according to them, dared to flirt with, glance at or have an affair with their partner. But is that really the point? No, and the main problem lies elsewhere.
You are not in a relationship with "the other woman". She is not the person who betrayed you and is not responsible for your pain. The person who hurt you is your partner.
Why isn't "she" the problem?
If it wasn't "her", it would be another woman, because the problem is not with other women. The problem is with your husband and his choices. When you blame other women, you're telling your partner—even without realizing it—that he's not responsible. Tell him that his cheating is a natural or expected behavior.
This kind of justification is dangerous. Instead of holding him accountable for his actions, you allow him to shift the blame onto someone else. He knew very well that he was in a relationship with you and, despite that, he chose to cheat.
The decision was his
Don't focus on the thought that "she knew he was busy." Regardless of what she knew or didn't know, he was the one who made the decision. He knew this choice would affect you and he did it anyway. In this situation, the responsibility falls completely on him.
Women do not force someone to cheat. They are not the ones making decisions for your partner. Betrayal is a conscious choice and rests entirely on the betrayer.
What happens when you focus on "the other woman"?
When you turn your anger on an outside person, instead of facing the source of the problem, you send your partner a dangerous message. You tell him that his betrayal will have minimal consequences for him. You are allowing him to avoid full responsibility for the pain he has caused you.
The truth is that "the other" doesn't matter. She could be anyone and, if you don't address the real problem, she will be another woman in the future. But the source of betrayal will remain the same: him.
Hold the one who betrayed you accountable
The only way to deal with betrayal is to reflect clearly: who hurt you and why. Cheating is not an accident. The core of the problem lies in the one who betrayed you.
