In the latest episode of "The Dalina Show" , Dalina Buzi had a conversation with counseling psychologist, Jonarda Kërkuti, whom you probably know from all the previous First Sessions on the show.
Kërkuti, founder of "Online Psychologist", the first professional platform in Albania that offers online psychological consultations, discussed, among other things, cases when stubborn patients refuse to change their beliefs and are very skeptical of change or therapy.
"Sometimes it is necessary to remove everything we have been taught, to reinvent ourselves, to see the situation differently. These people have a hard time breaking away from the learned models and take them for granted. They take them with them even when they go to live abroad."
"But can these lessons be applied there, can they help you function in an environment with different people, with a new culture? In most cases, no. That's why it's necessary to make these family breaks, without running away from what belongs to you."
This is the proven reason why many immigrants remain behind in their homeland, no matter how long they live away from it. Kërkuti explained further:
"Because they preserve [their beliefs, customs, teachings]. It seems like a kind of security to them, and that, a kind of protection. They think their own culture is better than others'. And they become very resistant to accepting changes. And I've heard many people say that immigrants who leave their homeland in a certain year, stay there that year. I've seen this in some cases, not always."
Asked by Dalina Buzi if there is a trend of this stubbornness being more common in men or women, the psychologist indicated:
"Men, boys are more focused on the things they've been taught. They're probably the most powerful duties they're given, like protectors of the family, breadwinners. If we take these duties away from them, they're probably de-masculinized and they're more protective of this thing, to have it with them. There may be other reasons that come into play, but I think these are the two main ones."
As for the "symptoms" most commonly seen in Albanian patients, psychologist Kërkuti revealed an interesting detail:
"I've noticed that among girls there is still a tendency towards very traditional issues. I don't know why I hear it so often, Albanian girls who live abroad have a kind of opinion that Albanian men are more family-oriented. I don't know why I hear this so much and when they are faced with the opposite, that's where the trauma begins, that a relationship isn't so safe even with a local."
Maybe because we grew up with parents who stayed together despite everything, Dalina pointed out, and Kërkut supported:
"Being together, but without the material that brings you together, is something that only creates pressure to stay, but not to create."
Full interview:
