
Hello Anabel,
I'm 23 years old, a student, employed full-time, and for almost 8 months I've been in a relationship with a 25-year-old guy. He's one of those guys that lifts my heart a little, because he's good, educated, kind, but above all, he comes from a family with a much better economic situation than mine. I'm highlighting it because it's more important than I expected.
His mom and dad are lovely, I haven't met them, but they know about me and my boyfriend told me they are supportive. I expected it, because they are down to earth people and in their minds there are no prejudices for complexes like mine when it comes to economic differences.
I'm one of those girls who always takes care of herself. I stay clean, I dress nicely, I always have my hair done and a little perfume on. My room is organized, it's like my little oasis amidst the chaos of a house that's never ready for guests.
But my house as a whole? So full, so lacking. As much as I love it because it was made of my parents' blood, I hate it for the half-finished furniture that has been added to it over the years since the man of the house died.
My boyfriend has asked me many times: "When will I come to your house? When will I meet your family?" And every time I come up with some ridiculous excuse. Once "mom has the flu", another time "we're fixing the shower", another time "my aunt came from abroad", while the reality is that I'm ashamed.
Then, his family has fantastic communication. In our house we don't talk. We are three individuals who deal with our own situations, it's so awkward for us to be a family. And in my mind, this increases my feeling even more that my boyfriend will be disappointed and we will both realize that in the end, we can never be for and with each other.
I'm terrified of the thought of him walking into our damp hallway, which my mom swore she would never touch again because it was a huge expense and a waste to paint it every year. I'm terrified of the idea of him seeing the living room couch where my brother has been sleeping for years, who "can't get his hands on" the idea of taking over the house and providing us with some comforts. Even though I logically know that my boyfriend is with me because he loves me, I feel like the facade I've worked so hard to build will crumble when he sees this other kind of nakedness.
I know there are girls who have probably been through or are going through the same thing. There are girls like me, who have grown up feeling uncomfortable about the home they live in, not because they are rude or ungrateful, but because they have seen with their own eyes what the "other life" is like, the more organized, more comfortable one, from all the aspects I mentioned above.
Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating on him, because I come across as the girl who has everything under control. I don't know if I should invite him. Should I try to "warn" him? Or just tell him bluntly: "This is my house. This is me."
Please tell me, is there any other girl who has felt this way? How did you cope? Because I'm so tired of the excuses and maybe it's time to have more confidence, but I can't find the strength.
- Written for Anabel.al by an anonymous girl. Copyright Anabel.al / Reproduction without permission of the editorial staff is prohibited.