If you've just broken up or are still trying to "get over" your feelings for your ex, you've probably been bombarded with advice from friends and acquaintances. Phrases like "focus on yourself," "you can do whatever you want now," and "the right person will come along, you'll see them" are common. Some may even urge you to meet someone new right away in order to take your mind off the past.
But how much does having sex with someone else really help you get over a broken relationship? Relationship experts share their thoughts on the pros and cons of this decision.
What can you gain if you sleep with someone else to forget your ex?
According to sexologists and psychologists, many people manage to cope with a breakup more easily after a new intimate relationship, especially when it increases their sense of self-confidence.
Psychotherapist Desirée N. Robinson explains to bustle.com:
"Often, a new sexual experience serves as a distraction and a way to confirm that you are free again and able to feel good. If you are willing to try it, it can give you a sense of emotional empowerment. In certain cases, we can discover parts that were missing in the previous relationship."
She adds that a new flirt or a passing relationship can help:
alleviating emotional pain,
restoring self-esteem,
building new ways to create intimacy,
and the separation of the past from the present.
When such a decision can become an obstacle
However, experts warn that a hasty new relationship can also have unwanted effects.
Psychotherapist and sex therapist Maria Becker says:
"Many people have difficulty engaging in quick relationships or sex with people they don't know well. We see sex as a way to get a quick dose of dopamine, to feel wanted, but we're not really giving ourselves the time to process the pain."
According to her, an impulsive decision to sleep with someone can lead to:
wrong choices,
involvement in toxic relationships,
feelings of guilt or emptiness after the act,
and self-disappointment if expectations are not met.
Robinson also emphasizes that sex is a very subjective experience, what for someone is emotional release, for someone else may be a way to fill gaps that need more than a hug to heal.
So, what should you do?
In the end, the decision is deeply personal. Only you can feel whether a new relationship will help you move forward or keep you tied to the past.
If you're feeling insecure, it might be best to spend some time with yourself. Not only to figure out what you like, but also to avoid feelings of guilt, emotional turmoil, or unnecessary stress.
Experts suggest:
reflect on the previous relationship,
understand what you want from a future relationship,
don't make choices out of fear or loneliness,
Stay close to people who support you without judgment.
Both Becker and Robinson agree on one crucial point: Being clear with yourself is most important. When you know what you want and why you want it, the decisions you make will be more emotionally stable.
