There are four key questions that can help you understand one of the biggest dilemmas when you're in love: Will this relationship last?
According to psychotherapist Jourdan Travers, these questions were formulated based on scientific evidence and real-life experiences in couples therapy, along with her husband, psychologist Mark Travers. She says:
"These are questions we often overlook when we're in love, but they're actually essential to understanding whether it's worth investing in this relationship."
Here are what they are and how they can affect the way you view your relationship:
1. If you weren't in a relationship, would you be close friends?
This question aims to gauge the depth of your connection beyond romantic attraction. Did you know each other well as people before you fell in love?
“Friendship is an essential foundation for a healthy relationship,” says Travers. “Because true connection isn't always easy, but if you're friends with the person you love, you have a stronger foundation to lean on.”
If the answer is "no":
Ask yourself: What drew you to this person? Was it just physical attraction? If so, you may have confused passion with love, a feeling that rarely lasts.
2. Do you like yourself when you are with your partner?
Your partner should inspire you to become a better person, not make you doubt yourself.
"Does your partner just love you or truly support you? Is he or she compassionate and honest? A healthy relationship helps you grow," Travers explains.
If the answer is "no":
Think about whether you are with someone who truly cares about your well-being. If you feel small, worthless, or judged, this is a sign that you should not ignore.
3. If you knew your partner would never change, would you still want to be with them?
Many people enter relationships with the mistaken idea that they can "change" the other person.
“This is a common trap,” Travers warns. “We don’t have the power to change someone who won’t change themselves.”
If the answer is "no":
If you can't accept the person as they are today, you may not be in the right relationship. Lasting love is based on acceptance, not projections.
4. When you have good news, is your partner the first person you want to share it with?
This is a strong sign of emotional connection. If your partner is the first person who comes to mind in a moment of joy, this is a sign of a strong connection.
“Science calls this 'active capitalization' and it is directly linked to relationship satisfaction, intimacy, and sustainability,” explains Travers.
If the answer is "no":
Think about why not. Do you feel more comfortable sharing your joys with someone else? Is your partner emotionally unavailable? Or maybe you're more attached to a third person?
