Arguing with someone is never fun - especially when you're dealing with a narcissist. They are skilled at manipulation and want absolute control, turning every argument into a battleground where you feel powerless and frustrated.
Of course, not every person who misbehaves in an argument is a narcissist, but if you consistently notice these signs, you may be dealing with someone with narcissistic traits. Here are some phrases they use to avoid responsibility and manipulate the situation.
1. “You're exaggerating.”
If you express your concerns and the response you get is that you are dramatizing it, this is an attempt to make you feel like the problem is yours. Narcissists tend to belittle the feelings of others and avoid responsibility for their own behavior.
2. “I'm not angry, you are.”
This is a classic manipulation called 'projection.' Instead of acknowledging their anger, they project it onto you, making you feel like you're the one reacting badly. And the irony? This phrase is usually said by someone who is yelling and speaking in an offensive manner.
3. "I can't believe you're attacking me. You always blame me."
Narcissists are unable to admit their mistakes and see themselves as victims. Even when they are the ones who are wrong, they will do anything to turn the situation in their favor, making you feel like you are the one who is hurting them.
4. “If you loved me, you would do this.”
Another manipulation strategy is to make you feel guilty by setting conditions on your love. If you don't do what they want, they will accuse you of not loving them enough or, even worse, threaten you with emotional consequences to force you to do as they wish.
5. “You should have known I was upset.”
Narcissists expect you to read their minds. Instead of openly communicating their feelings, they assume you should automatically know their every emotion. When you don't, they accuse you of not caring and make you feel guilty for something you couldn't have known.
6. Long meaningless words that lead you somewhere else
This technique is called “word salad,” and it’s a sophisticated way to avoid the main topic. Narcissists will talk at length, throwing in random facts, exaggerated emotions, and vague arguments until you forget what you were arguing about in the first place. In the end, you’ll be left confused and without any solution to the situation.
A bonus sign: They don't accept compromises.
In a healthy debate, both sides try to reach an acceptable middle ground. With a narcissist, this never happens. They want to win at all costs and will not accept any kind of compromise.
If you frequently encounter these phrases in arguments with someone, it's a good idea to reevaluate the relationship and protect yourself from their manipulation. There's no need to stay in a discussion that leaves you exhausted and frustrated - sometimes, the best choice is to not play their game at all.
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