Empathy allows us to understand the experiences of others on an emotional level. Humans are social creatures with an innate desire to connect with other people.

No one can be fully empathetic all the time. While empathy comes naturally to almost everyone to some extent, it also requires conscious and unconscious effort.

People who lack empathy will often find themselves saying these phrases:

1. 'Don't dwell on it, forget it'

This minimizes a person's struggle and implies weakness. When we are told to overcome something, the people in our lives are not thinking about what is best for us. 

Instead, they think about what's best for them. Let's face it: strong emotions are stressful for the people around us. By saying these things, we discount the trauma that people have experienced and force them to question themselves and their emotions.

2. 'It wasn't that bad.'

This can devalue their feelings and experiences as if they were unimportant. When someone's feelings are consistently ignored or minimized, they may believe that their emotions are worthless, leading to a diminished sense of self-esteem and personal worth.

3. 'You are very sensitive.'

These words cut people off from who they are and criticize one of our greatest human traits. This has had profound and long-lasting effects on all (or most) highly sensitive people.

4. 'Why can't you forget?'

This simplifies a complex mental health condition and can cause further damage. Trauma is often characterized by intrusive thoughts and flashbacks, where the traumatic event involuntarily re-enters a person's consciousness, making forgetting almost impossible. 

5. 'I know exactly how you feel.'

This type of comment assumes understanding of their unique suffering. Everyone experiences emotions differently based on their unique life experiences, making it nearly impossible to fully understand another person's feelings, even if you've faced similar situations. 

6. 'At least you're still alive.'

This fails to recognize and neglects the emotional scars left behind by their experience. This phrase can be perceived as insensitive, as it fails to acknowledge the complex emotional experience of the survivor. 

7. 'Stop living in the past.'

This phrase often indicates a lack of understanding of the complex nature of trauma and how it can significantly impact a person's life in the long term. 

8. 'You have to move forward.'

Everyone's journey is unique. This simplifies and ignores the psychological difficulty of 'moving on.' If they are struggling greatly, suggest they seek therapy from a qualified mental health professional who can guide them through the healing process.

9. 'It happened to me too and I'm fine.'

Making harmful comparisons is rarely helpful to the person being made. Research suggests that downward social comparison, where individuals compare themselves to someone perceived as worse off, is particularly harmful in situations of trauma, as it can lead to a feeling of not being bad enough to seek help.

10. 'You're just looking for attention.'

These hurtful words accuse them of manipulating their situation for sympathy. These comments can serve as triggers themselves and cause further emotional pain. Avoiding them and finding other ways to compassionately support the person being hurt can make a significant difference in your interactions with someone who is suffering.

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Source: Your Tango