We all have our stories. We all experience stress and anxiety. Too often, instead of allowing ourselves to feel these emotions, we suppress them by saying, "It could be worse."

Recently, at a gathering, a woman I was talking to told me about her son's cancer diagnosis. As she recounted the arduous treatment process and the sense of loss and anger she was experiencing, she immediately said, "But when you go to a children's hospital, you see kids in much worse condition. I feel bad for complaining, we're lucky."

Lucky?! Seriously?! Because your son “only” has leukemia and not brain cancer? I turned to her and calmly said, “No matter what the disease is, watching your child suffer must be an incredibly difficult experience.” She looked at me, took a deep breath, and replied, “Thank you. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.”

We live in a society where everything is compared, where there is a silent competition about who is worse, where people say "At least I'm not like him/her." This is simply a false form of modesty. What if we all acknowledged our struggles and our stories without minimizing them? What if we could say without guilt: "Today I had a bad day," without being faced with responses like "think positively," "it could be worse," or "it's not that bad." What if someone simply said to us:

- "I'm sorry you had a hard day."
- "Tell me more."
- "If you need help, let me know."

Maybe you're feeling exhausted from work and can barely get out of bed each morning. Then you see your friend who is taking care of three young children, a sick parent, and on top of that, has a full-time job.

And you think:

- "I need to be stronger."
- "I need to be like him/her."
- "I'm weak."

But who does this kind of thinking serve?

Does it help your friend? No.
Does it help you? No.

In fact, it doesn't help anyone - it only makes you feel worse.

Having a bad day? Okay.
You lost a pet and you're feeling down? That's totally okay.
Are you tired of the cold and snow? That's okay.

Whatever stress you're experiencing, it's okay to feel it. Yes, there will always be someone who has it worse, but suppressing your pain doesn't help that person. When we ignore our pain with the excuse "someone else is suffering more," the only thing we achieve is to suppress it inside ourselves. We don't help others, or ourselves. We give ourselves the wrong reason not to face our reality.

And at the end of the day, feeling bad sometimes is completely normal.

- Written by Nancy Jane Smith, therapist known for the book "The Happier Approach: Be Kind to Yourself, Feel Happier, and Still Accomplish Your Goals"/ adapted by Anabel.al.