We often think that we are past the days when marriage and “social status” were the main goals in life. Today, we live in a world where we strive to be modern, independent, and free from patriarchal norms. But here comes the not-so-good news: society still rewards marriage and monogamy.
Marriage and serious relationships are still valued by everyone: friends congratulate us, give us gifts, and society creates easier spaces for couples than for unmarried individuals. In fact, it often happens that you feel more "accepted" when you are in a relationship, whether these are the expectations of family, friends, or even the state that reserves legal benefits for married couples.
What are “relationship scales”?
This term, coined by journalist Amy Gahran, describes traditional expectations surrounding romantic relationships. The idea is based on a clearly defined path: monogamy, cohabitation, marriage, children. For many people, this is the main yardstick that determines how “serious” or “worthwhile” a relationship is.
This idea is not new. In the past, it was perhaps normal not to live together before marriage, while today it is considered a necessary step. But despite these changes, the concept of "steps" has always been part of the way society sees and values ??us.
Should we follow this path?
The problem is that these expectations often come with pressure. Questions like, “When are you going to make it official?” or “Will there be an engagement after the holidays?” are direct examples of the expectations we have of others. And, ironically, many of these standards we have unconsciously internalized.
Let's remember one of the childhood rhymes: “First comes love, then marriage, then the baby in the stroller.” Although it seems naive, this is the essence of the “ladder of relationships.” It is a recipe that society suggests we follow in order to be accepted.
Is it time to get off these stairs?
Whether or not you follow this path is a personal choice. If you feel happy following this pattern, that's totally fine. But if external pressures are influencing your decisions, maybe it's time to reevaluate your expectations. The key is to build a life and a relationship that aligns with what you want, not what society demands.
The ladder of relationships is not for everyone and that's perfectly normal. Everyone has the right to choose the path they feel makes them happy. And sometimes, it's better to use the ladder!
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