I have been married for 27 years to a man whom I love very much. We were always happy and our sex life was passionate until ten years ago, when he told me he wanted to live as a woman. He didn't warn me, there was no discussion and normally I was shocked; I told him that if he had the operation, our marriage would be over.
In time, we reached an agreement. He agreed not to have surgery and I agreed to try to get used to the way he presents himself, which is to say as a woman – wears make-up, wears dresses, tights and recipes. I find it very difficult to learn; although I was very attracted to him as a man, it is impossible to attract me as a woman.
During the day we get along well, but I no longer want to make love to someone who wishes he didn't have a penis. I have no problem with same-sex marriages, but this is not what I wanted. I wholeheartedly believe that sexuality is not a choice; you're either gay (or bisexual), or you're not. If your partner decides to change gender, you are therefore expected to change your sexual orientation from heterosexual to homosexual or vice versa. In recent years, attention has focused on transgender people, but not on their partners.
We have three children in their twenties: the two daughters have made peace with the change, while our son is very worried and now lacks a male role model in his life. Our friends have accepted the change; and as far as I know, I'm the only one who calls him by his old name.
We are currently seeing a therapist and hope that we can both be happy one day. I've thought about living without it and it's just not possible.
- Written by an anonymous woman for The Guardian
