I and sex did not meet in the most interesting way possible. I was 18 years old, in the first year and a little bit drunk. My partner was Tom and looked good to me, at least those things I had learned for a week. He seemed polite, calm, and flirty nervous. Sex with her was safe and awesome. More like competitions that I attended school - a boring task that I should finish, but without the endorphins and the feeling that came with it. I went after Tom because I was tired of being virgin. I agreed that he should make sure that I felt comfortable, desirable, caring for me and having all I needed. But after we did, he never called me again, although three years later he asked me to forgive him.
I learned a lot about sex 10 years after my first time. I would not have expected so much. The inexperience to learn about sex, gender and my role in such relationships has been an experience that changed my life. Here's what I would like to know before I went to Tom for the first time.
1. Paralysis = sex
When I was small, the line was discussed as something optional: either do it, or not. It took me long to change this way of thinking and consider sex as a multidimensional experience - from the slow start to the end. Sex is not the race to reach orgasm.
2. A woman's orgasm is not just something to do
Women's orgasms do not have to be annoying, mystery or something to be done.
3. Do your best
Sex is not work. So, it is necessary to be active and committed to your enjoyment and your partner. If you're not in the mood, leave. That's not why you're straining.
4. Sex is messy
Your body needs to be loved as it is: You do not have to wash yourself before you have sex. You do not have to worry about having sex. Natural fragrances are not terrible, on the contrary. Sex is intimate, confusing and occasionally laughing. Bring desire and energy.
5. Communication and communication only
I was embarrassed about how much time before, during and after sex. Such a shame stole what I needed - communication. Today I understand how important it is to communicate in a romance as it is the only way to learn about yourself and your partner.
6. Sex needs curiosity
For the most part, during sexual intercourse, I have been passive. Later, I realized how important it is to have curiosity about everything. Therefore, you should give yourself enough time and your partner in order to learn from each other.
In conclusion, to have a healthy sex relationship I must forget all my friends had taught me for years. Probably not all of us were taught sex properly, so we have to educate ourselves.
- Adapted from "6 Things I Knw When I Started Having Sex", written by Haley Nahman for Man Repeller.