When the judge gave the assurance that your child would be given for adoption to break into rivers of tears. I cleaned my eyes and tried to hide the tears that I should have on my shoulder.

Because, as soon as I knew that you would be given this decision, I spent many nights getting ready-to-adopt documents for your child.

I knew you loved her deeply and it would burden you and scratch you from within for all your drinking. But you also know that you can not keep it safe, if he was left in your care all that would be expected would be harm or death. The least he would end up living a life that no child should try. He is an infant now, he can not make his choices and he can not change anything, the flock I have to do for him.

I've seen where you came from, how awful your childhood and its consequences were. No one has done the right choices for you, no one defended you, nor could you do it for him. The services tried to help you, for a long time though it was too late. As an adult, you have the right to make decisions, but in this case you are powerless to change something.

I know that you blame me and hate me exactly, in your situation I would have done the same thing.

I still have a hope for you, that one day with a little help you will get to get out. Then you will realize that it is worth more than a boxing bag that beyond drugs has another life and that you deserve love and care. Sincerely hope this day come ...

I quit in the car after I returned from the court: I wept for you, for the future you would not have together. I will find him the best adoptive parents I can, I will do his utmost to get all the love and support he needs for his face to smile ...

I wish you the best!