Chris Voss, a former FBI negotiator and now an author and entrepreneur, has built his career on one key skill: emotional intelligence. During his 24 years as one of the world's top negotiators, he learned that the secret to successful communication is not talking more, but listening better and understanding the emotions of others.
One of the most famous cases occurred in 1993, when two robbers took three employees hostage at a New York bank. Voss was the second negotiator to speak on the phone with one of the hostage-takers. To resolve the situation, he used some simple but very effective techniques, which, according to him, can be applied to any difficult conversation in everyday life.
Speak calmly and with control.
Voss used what he calls the “night radio announcer voice,” a calm, slow, and confident tone, but not submissive. This type of communication directly affects the way the other person’s brain reacts, calming them down and reducing tension. Such a tone creates a more open and safe atmosphere for dialogue. According to Voss, when you speak calmly, not only does it influence the other person, but it also stabilizes your own emotions.
Use “mirroring” to encourage communication
Another important technique is “mirroring,” repeating a few key words that the other person uses. This makes the other person feel heard and encourages them to continue talking. For example, if someone says, “I’m very stressed,” you can simply respond, “Stressed?” This simple question paves the way for more information and creates an emotional connection.
Tone might be one of the most difficult negotiation skills to master. Why? Because it requires you to slow down and be intentional.
— Christopher Voss (@fbinegotiator) May 27, 2023
There are too many of us that say the right things in the wrong way. Words are powerful, but how you say things matters too. pic.twitter.com/mQ6uc26wyC
Identify and name emotions
During negotiations, Voss tried to understand the robber's feelings and put them into words. He used phrases like, "It sounds like you're in a very difficult situation" or "It sounds like you're not happy with the way things are going." This technique, known as "emotion labeling," helps reduce tension and gives the other person a sense of being understood.
The power of strategic listening
In the end, what made the difference was his ability to listen. Voss was able to convince the robbers to surrender and release the hostages precisely because he did not try to dominate them with words, but understood them through active listening.
According to him, these techniques are not only valid for extreme situations, but for any everyday conflict, whether at work, in a relationship, or in the family.
"If you master the art of listening, you can use emotional intelligence to resolve any situation," he emphasizes.
In a world where we often talk more than we listen, Chris Voss's teachings show that sometimes, the most powerful word is silence.
