Narcissists are masters of argument, but not for the right reasons. They use sophisticated techniques to manipulate and control conversations, avoiding responsibility and turning everything into their own game. To better understand how these tactics work, here are five that often go unnoticed:
1. Personal attack (Ad Hominem)
Instead of responding to what you are saying, the narcissist attacks you as a person: criticizing your character, emotions, or past mistakes. Example: “You are just jealous, that is why you are making such a big deal out of it.”
The goal? To make you feel bad and avoid real conversation.
2. Either with me or against me (False Dichotomy)
The narcissist presents the situation as if there are only two extreme choices: either you are with them or you are the enemy. There is no discussion, compromise, or nuance.
The goal? To force you to choose "their side" and make you feel guilty if you don't.
3. Straw Man Argument
They twist your words and turn what you said into a more dramatic and absurd version. Example: “Oh, now I’m the worst person in the world?”
The goal? To make you look like a victim and distract you from the real issue.
4. To distract you from the topic (Red Herring)
When they feel like they're being pressured into a conversation, the narcissist will change the subject completely. They'll bring up something unrelated to avoid responsibility. Example: "And you, do you remember when you forgot my birthday?"
The goal? To confuse you and avoid accountability.
5. Appeal to Hypocrisy / Tu Quoque
When you confront him with wrong behavior, he says, "Haven't you done this yourself once?"
The goal? Not to solve the problem, but to relativize the blame and avoid any responsibility.
If you know these tactics, it is easier to identify them and not fall prey to their manipulations in the debate.
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Source: Forbes
