Some advice for you if you are dating someone who suffers from anxiety

Many of us deal with anxiety in our lives, whether it's a stressful time at work or the jitters before an important event. But for people with clinical anxiety disorders, this feeling isn't just a passing jitter—it's a significant part of their daily lives that impacts many areas, including romantic relationships. If you're dating someone who suffers from anxiety, you're probably seeing it firsthand.

“When you love someone with anxiety, you connect not only with them, but also with the ways their anxiety creates to protect themselves,” says Carolina Pataky, a licensed couples and family therapist.

But anxiety doesn't have to take over your relationship. Many people with anxiety have healthy, happy relationships. In fact, the right love and support from a partner can help them manage the condition and thrive in a loving relationship. If you're wondering how to be supportive, here are some tips from experts.

What to expect when dating someone with anxiety

Anxiety looks different for each person, and can also vary by race, gender, or social status . In general, says Pataky, anxiety manifests itself as excessive thinking, fear of the worst, or a need for constant reassurance. In intimate relationships, this can manifest as difficulty coping with uncertainty, interpreting neutral situations as threatening, or constant “what if…” thoughts.

For this reason, your partner may look to you for comfort and reassurance often, says Bree Jenkins, a love coach and therapist. This can also extend to social situations, where they may have difficulty enjoying the moment, having fun, or trying new things. At social events, they may stand close to you and avoid prolonged contact with others, or appear reserved.

Anxiety can also manifest as a tendency to work too hard or strive for perfection, says Jenkins. You may notice that your partner tries to control any problems by working too hard.

How to build a healthy relationship when your partner has anxiety

It's important to understand that your partner's fears and need for security are not a lack of trust or love, but an internal mechanism to create security in a world that sometimes seems scary, Pataky explains.

The healthiest relationship is one where both partners recognize anxiety as an external factor in the relationship, with awareness and understanding, not with blame or frustration.

But remember: it's not your job to "cure" your partner's anxiety. As much as you love them, you're not a mental health professional. The most support you can give them is to encourage them to seek professional help and perhaps consider medication or other treatments. Anxiety is very common and shouldn't be an obstacle to a good relationship, but it does require support and responsibility to manage it.

How to support your partner with anxiety

Every person with anxiety has different needs, but here are some expert tips that can help you maintain your healthy relationship:

Understand your role

You are not their therapist, and you don’t have to “cure” their anxiety. “Supporting your partner with anxiety is about co-regulation, not control,” says Pataky. Your role is to create an environment where they feel safe to deal with their anxiety with you, not alone.

Communicate

Communication is key. “If there are misunderstandings, you need to talk openly,” says Sheva Assar, a clinical psychologist and relationship coach. Create an easy way for your partner to share concerns and listen without judgment. This makes them feel supported and safe in the relationship.

Value feelings, without feeding fear

You want to make your partner feel understood, but not reinforce their anxiety. Pataky suggests staying calm and focused. 

Set boundaries.

This preserves your health and that of the relationship.

Encourage self-care

Help your partner take care of themselves and use the resources they have. Don't become their sole source of comfort, as this can create unhealthy dependency. Self-care and therapy make it easier to seek professional help.

Don't forget: anxiety is very common! Being a supportive partner not only helps the person you love, but also strengthens the bond between you.

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_{Source: Cosmopolitan}