Very bad men, like serial killers and criminals, can seem fascinating when we listen to them on podcasts or read about them in books. In fact, a Pew study found that 34% of podcast listeners prefer the "true crime" genre. But when we learn that a woman exchanged letters with a murderer or felt romantic attraction to a serial killer, we begin to question her choices, her life, and the way she was raised.
Was there a father at home? Did she have a troubled childhood? Is she self-destructive or self-deprecating? We are quick to judge and blame. It is difficult for most people to understand a romantic attraction to someone as dangerous as a murderer.
Here are some psychological reasons why a woman, even a "normal" one, might want to talk to a murderer:
1. She is fascinated by the media attention the killer receives
Many serial killers — especially those who have committed violent crimes that have made headlines — attract the attention of women. Experts believe that some women may seek fame through their relationships with these men.
2. She believes she can rehabilitate the killer and "tame" him.
Many mental health professionals believe that women who want to talk to killers are fulfilling an unmet need. According to 2010 research, some women believe they can see beyond the violent behavior and heal the man who is “a product of his environment.”
3. They see in him the innocent child he once was.
Joyce Mitchell, a prison officer, helped two convicted murderers — Richard Matt and David Sweat — escape from prison. She said she saw "more in them than just the crimes" and that they were not monsters. Mitchell told officials that Matt made her feel special — different from everyone else. To her, he was not the cold-blooded killer the media portrayed.
4. She feels safe because she always knows where he is.
Oscar Ray Bolin Jr., a serial killer who raped and murdered three women in Florida in 1986, married his defense attorney, Rosalie Martinez. She was married and had four children, but after meeting Bolin, she left her husband and married him over the phone in 1995. Martinez believed in his innocence and decided to fight for his "justice."
5. The relationship does not have the requirements of a traditional relationship
When a partner is in prison, there are no daily meetings or the usual responsibilities of a relationship. This attracts those who are uncomfortable in regular relationships.
6. They are obsessed or fascinated by murderers
Like people who obsess over a movie star, some women "fall in love" with serial killers. It's a form of extreme adoration that drives them towards an imaginary relationship.
7. They have low self-esteem
Women who are attracted to murderers often suffer from a lack of self-esteem. They feel invisible, worthless, and crave attention, recognition, or the feeling that they are “special” to someone — even if that person is a notorious criminal.
8. They fail to find love in ordinary ways
Some women feel driven by an unconscious need to "heal" someone with serious flaws — as a way to cope with emotional wounds from their own childhood.
9. They are avoidant in terms of love or have difficulty with intimacy
Because they are unable to experience full intimate connections, they seek relationships that cannot be physically fulfilled. The prohibitions on physical contact in prison increase their sense of emotional connection.
10. They believe their love can transform the killer
From a violent, deceitful, and unfeeling man, he will become caring and kind — thanks to her love. This is a fantasy of salvation that some women strongly believe in.
11. They feel attracted or excited by danger — it's called hybristophilia
This is the term for attraction to people who have committed serious crimes. The killer does not need to be physically attractive. For example, Henry Lee Lucas — a one-eyed vagrant who confessed to hundreds of murders — had many female admirers. One married woman even pretended to be his dead ex-girlfriend to help him get out of prison.
No matter how incomprehensible it may seem to most people, some women feel emotionally attracted to the most dangerous men, especially when they also have some kind of charisma or media fame. This is often a reflection of their own inner wounds.
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Source: Your Tango
