Breakups are never easy, especially after many years together, where the idea of ??spending the rest of your life with the same person seems to be deeply ingrained in the minds of both parties. Divorce can be hard enough to accept, but what follows it seems like a metamorphosis, where the people who undergo it discover an unexplored part of themselves.
On "The Dalina Show" the post-divorce period is described in a very special way by Ulpiana Lama. Initially, she said that it took her two years to accept that her 20-year relationship was over, but above all during this time she began to better understand what she was feeling and how she could process her emotions.
"In 2018, I left behind a 20-year life, which began in '98 and ended in 2018. It's been two years, 2018-2020, where you're redimensioning yourself, you don't know what your emotions are. They are emotions of lack, of anger sometimes, where you remember that the cycle had closed, but on the other hand you realize that something inorganic is happening to your body. 20 years is a long time and (they are followed by) that 2-year-old who thinks where I am, what's happening to me, what my life will be like."
According to her, after a divorce, a husband becomes a fellow traveler. Analyzing the words themselves, Lama describes that while during the years together she saw her partner as the luck of her life, after the separation she learned to see him as a fellow traveler for two decades.
"But then you understand and come to the concept of a fellow traveler, not just a spouse. A spouse has something that is final, meaning, you live 20-50 years, this is your lot and this is the last thing that will happen in your life. This is the one thing that will happen in your life like a butterfly."
In fact, separation from a partner is simply the end of a journey that leads to divorce. But doesn't the same thing happen many times throughout life?
"You understand that the more your lifespan increases, the more possibilities there are: either you will grow in the same direction and make the path together, or the good thing is that you go through this metamorphosis, the process of change, which is sometimes not internally catalyzed, but there is an external catalyst, a movement, a geography, another job, and that becomes a catalyst that brings things to an end."
Then, it comes to the concept of a fellow traveler. You grow up, the other person grows up, and this also happens with friends and society, because we have 3 types of lives: social, private, intimate. So, this can happen in all three types of lives."
Two decades of spiritual investment are sometimes considered a waste if the relationship ends, but perhaps this process itself is sometimes more profitable than we thought, and Lama describes this quite well through these words:
"What I thought was 'till death do us part' was actually a journey together. 20 years have passed, it wasn't our whole life, but a part of it. It was a necessary, give and take relationship, and when this process ends, the road leads you in another direction without a single regret."
"Of course, those first two years pass, because they're normal. Then, you start another chapter."
Perhaps the message of this interview lies in the perspective on separation, which can actually pave the way for a completely transformative process, serving us a different version of ourselves. Instead of fighting the past, we should accept it as a beautiful part of life, which like everything else, has an end. Therefore, the focus should always be on the new chapter.
Full interview:
