We all fight from time to time, but the way we deal with each argument sets us apart. Our reactions to a conflict also say a lot about the future of the relationship. Psychology professor and renowned researcher of human relationships and marriage, John Gottman, after 40 years of experience, has concluded that there are 4 factors that can lead any relationship to separation.
Constant criticism
We all sometimes express dissatisfaction with our partner's shortcomings or something that bothers us. The problem begins when complaints turn into open criticism. It is one thing to focus on the problem and another to blame the other person. Constant criticism can become a “rope” that tightens the relationship to the point of rupture.
Continuous protection
Most of us, when we are told about our mistakes, instinctively try to deny it or defend ourselves. But if this becomes a constant way of reacting, the relationship has little chance of surviving. When one person is always defending themselves and not improving themselves, it will definitely upset the other person and force them to make drastic decisions, such as breaking up.
Contempt
We all have moments of anger and tension, but when that anger turns into contempt for our partner, it indicates that something very serious is going on. Underestimating the other person and belittling behavior is the worst omen for a relationship. According to Gottman's research, it is the most serious cause of divorce. Whether expressed in words or behavior, it aims to make one person feel inferior to the other, which cannot be considered healthy for any relationship.
APATHY
Or otherwise known as the “conflict avoidance strategy,” which when it occurs indicates that the end is very close. Apathy occurs when one of the two partners stands still and speechless (like a wall) in the face of another argument. Apathy indicates a person’s complete detachment, rejection, and distancing from the relationship and partner. It may be due to the other person’s constant negativity or the fact that they no longer care about the future of the relationship. According to the professor’s data, men are more likely to adopt this behavior.
Source: Marie Claire
