Many times we look back and realize, even after a long time, that our relationships have one thing in common: our ex-partners are very similar to each other in character and behavior.
You might think it's a coincidence, but it's not. A psychologist explains the reasons for this similarity and highlights how emotional experiences from our childhood play a crucial role in the "same" partners we choose.
According to Dr. Shefali Tsabary, partners don't necessarily look like our parents, as the reality is more complicated.
If, growing up, we felt that we were not receiving love from certain members of our family or that they did not give us much importance, causing us constant insecurity, it is very likely that these very behaviors unconsciously attract us towards a future romantic partner.
We know and understand our partner's neglect, but even if we suspect that what we demand from them or the standards we have from a romantic relationship are low, we still seem to always "get stuck" in a vicious circle.
If we have had unpleasant experiences in childhood, then we do not believe that there are different ways to connect or build relationships with others, always having the same relationship model in mind. This painful cycle can only end if we heal the problems that the child inside us still faces, otherwise we are "doomed" to fall in love with such people, seemingly exactly the same: they cause us insecurity, but we still think they are the right one.
It is difficult to face this truth and try to accept the fact that we have been hurt many times, managing the trauma in a way that allows us to learn from it.
According to experts at Charlie Health, an organization that deals broadly with mental health issues, the first step to transforming ourselves into a better version of ourselves is to accept our childhood traumas.
We need to address the child within us as if it were another person and speak to it with kindness, showing it that we truly care about it. It is a good method for overcoming fear and valuing ourselves.
Then, we can understand and remember the ways or episodes in which we were treated in childhood by adults, then work to heal. Once this stage is complete, we will be able to immediately make connections between people and situations that will shed light on who is to blame and why. Usually, emotional indifference to others leads to our own emotional indifference, mainly towards ourselves.
All of these feelings need to be processed and only then will we be able to avoid repeating past mistakes in our future relationships.
Source: Marie Claire
