"I gave birth to my first son on a typical Saturday. It took me 40 hours and I generally coped well. When they placed my son on my chest for the first skin-to-skin contact, I remember just letting out an "Oh!" without even understanding the emotion behind it. I thought my reaction, which wasn't a reaction at all, and the tears I couldn't shed were simply from sheer exhaustion.
I thought that in a few hours I would feel that "You are the greatest love in the world I have ever felt" that all new mothers feel, but days passed and this moment was not coming for me. I don't think I even felt depressed, it's not that I was sad, but I was completely numb from all the emotions, especially the first week.
My son on the other hand was the most perfect thing in the world. He quickly learned to breastfeed, fed abundantly and almost never cried. A true angel. But I never did. I would sit and look at him for minutes at a time and think "What the hell is wrong with me?!" My husband on the other hand was already feeling very happy and proud, it was reflected in both his words and his actions.
The most terrible feeling of guilt came to me when my mother, mother-in-law, and colleagues asked me: "Are you happy?", "Do you love him/her very much?" rhetorically, and I felt like bursting out and telling them how I really felt. I didn't dare to do it because it was precisely these questions of theirs that made me realize that they hadn't gone through an experience similar to mine and that if I told them, they would think I was crazy.
And I thought I was crazy at first. I was desperate to find another midwife who had been through what I was going through and ask her if this hell would ever end. My solace came from YouTube videos of certified doctors explaining that many of the things I was going through were normal things that every woman goes through. A friend of mine was also a great help, assuring me that in time any dark clouds that had been hanging over my head would disappear.
And the good news: hell is over. A normal day will happen again, you will wake up in the morning and get used to that little being sleeping peacefully next to you. You will not be able to sit without smelling the heavenly scent of your little one. The care, which you were so anxious and afraid to give to your little one at first, after a month, or even more depending on the person, will become a time that you will start to really enjoy.
Not many moms or doctors talk about the immense shock a woman feels after bringing a human being into this world. It's normal for your body and mind to take time to recover from all the trauma, especially after your first birth.
Now, I can't imagine my life without this 9-month-old angel I brought into the world, but it took us both a while to get to this point. Don't be too critical of yourself, mom, and ask for help if you feel it's necessary: ??there's no shame in a mother doing what's necessary for her little one."
Note: The article has been adapted by the editorial staff for editorial purposes and clarity. Copyright Anabel.al / Reprinting without the permission of the editorial staff is prohibited.
