Divorce mediators have heard every excuse and lie parents use to feel better about their family's separation. Here are the 7 most common lies divorced parents believe about their children, according to author and marriage mediator Debra Macleod:
1. 'My children want me to be happy'
Sure, but your children also want more for their biological mother and father to create a stable and happy home for them. Children are focused on their own happiness and childhood gives them this 'selfish' privilege.
2. 'My children will be better off'
Some divorced parents may believe that their children will be better off after a separation, especially if the marriage is highly conflicted, but research shows that children generally do better when parents stay together in a relatively stable and low-conflict marriage, even if not entirely happy, as the disruption of a family unit can still be detrimental to a child's development.
3. 'My next marriage will be better'
This is not likely. Second and subsequent marriages have higher divorce rates than first marriages. Why? Because people rarely change and tend to repeat the same poor behaviors. Plus, subsequent marriages often involve stepchildren and blended families, which increases the drama and conflict even more.
4. 'My relationship with my children will not change'
Yes, it will happen. A parent who doesn't live under the same roof as their child can't have the same impact on that child's life as a parent who does. Whether it's a 2 a.m. nightmare or an accident at home, you're simply not there to do your job as a parent for them.
5. 'I won't regret it'
Once the emotions have cooled and you have your necessary distance from the event, you will look back and wonder if you should have worked harder to save your marriage and family. This regret will deepen as you get older and realize that you will never feel the pride that comes when your children and grandchildren look up to you as the patriarch or matriarch of the family.
6. 'Divorce will solve my problems'
If you have children together, divorce won't solve your problems; it will only create a new set of problems. You'll worry about your ex-husband's new girlfriend and whether she'll call you if your child gets sick or scared. You'll worry about your ex-wife's new boyfriend and whether he's the one teaching your child new things.
7. 'Children adapt quickly to new situations'
Don't you think this will affect them in the long run? Like it or not, you've taught them that love is unreliable. As adults, children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced in their future.
But of course, divorce isn't always a bad thing . It's the best course of action in some cases, such as abuse, unmanaged personality disorders, and infidelity between couples, to name a few of the more serious cases.
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Source: Huffington Post
