The allegations against British author Neil Gaiman by more than eight women for abuse and rape have caused outrage and anger among his fans. He denies the allegations, claiming that all of the women had consensual sexual relations with him.
One of the plaintiffs in the filed report said the writer tried to forcefully perform anal sex on her, and on other occasions demanded that she call him "master." The author's defense stated that "sexual degradation, submission, domination, sadism, and masochism may not be to everyone's taste, but between consenting adults, BDSM is legal."
But what is BDSM?
BDSM is a term that refers to a range of activities and practices that involve submission, seeking physical or mental pain in a sexual context. The term comes from the initial letters of the words: Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.
While mainstream depictions of BDSM may pique our curiosity, they are usually rooted in fantasy and not always fully based in reality.
The most cited example of BDSM, the film "50 Shades of Grey," is often criticized for disguising abuse as an acceptable sexual fetish.
"Many people simply end up thinking that BDSM is about pain or fear, but it's important to understand your reasons for your interest in BDSM, which will then help you create a healthy practice that will allow you to feel safe, informed, and aware of your choice. In practice, BDSM can provide an opportunity to explore power dynamics, control, and fantasies in a safe environment," experts say.
This is why the practice requires a deep level of existential work around your relationship with power and control.
What to do if you want to try BDSM
BDSM involves a variety of roles, dynamics, and activities, but is always based on the safety, sanity, and consent of the participants. Open communication and respect for boundaries are essential to the practice of BDSM.
Importantly, experts point out, BDSM is not necessarily about sexual activities; it can also involve power plays and other psychological aspects. If you want to try some BDSM practices, below are some basic steps to follow.
COMMUNICATION
Talk honestly with your partner about your desires, what turns you on, and what your boundaries are. This discussion is very important before trying any type of BDSM.
Cooperation and consent
Whether you've just met someone or want to introduce BDSM into your existing relationship, safety is paramount, as is willingness. Be clear up front about what and how you want it to be done, and find a middle ground in case you and your partner have different expectations.
Imagination
The spectrum of power play is something that anyone can enjoy. Angie Enger explains that BDSM involves emotion, psychology, and the physical in equal measure.
"The hardest part is the beginning, try something simple if you're scared or have never done it before. Even a massage can be considered BDSM."
Source: Marie Claire
