When we talk about narcissists, one of the main distinguishing features is their lack of emotional empathy. In relationships, this is often one of the main sources of conflict and emotional hurt for their partners. Many people ask: Do narcissists have empathy, and if so, in what form? To answer this, we need to understand the difference between two main types of empathy: emotional empathy and cognitive empathy.
What is emotional empathy?
Emotional empathy is the ability to automatically feel what someone else is experiencing, without any conscious effort. For example, if someone experiences sudden pain, you can feel that pain emotionally and react accordingly. This kind of empathy creates a kind of connection and compassion, but in narcissists this ability is often lacking.
What is cognitive empathy?
Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, is a more controlled ability that involves understanding another's feelings without experiencing them yourself. This empathy is like an act: you know the situation calls for a compassionate response, but you don't really feel it. A narcissist may use cognitive empathy to gain approval or to manipulate the situation in his favor, creating an illusion of closeness.
Can narcissists develop emotional empathy?
Although rare, some narcissists can begin to develop some form of emotional empathy, but this requires great commitment and a long process. In most cases, the conditions for the development of this empathy include:
• Involvement in therapy.
• A relationship with a person who is harmless and less powerful.
• A situation similar to a painful past experience that the narcissist has experienced himself.
Narcissists and relationships with animals
An interesting curiosity is that some narcissists can develop a kind of emotional empathy for their animals. But this also depends on several factors: the animal must be obedient, loved and dependent on the narcissist. Narcissists often form emotional attachments to animals they see as harmless and submissive, but there are also times when they may treat animals the same way they treat people – rewarding them when they behave well and punishing them when they disobey.
Narcissists usually lack emotional empathy, but can use cognitive empathy to create the illusion of compassion. In rare cases and with therapeutic support, they can develop a kind of emotional empathy, but this requires a commitment and fulfillment of special conditions. In dealing with them, it is important to understand this difference to avoid emotional injury and to protect yourself against their behavior.
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