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"Secret" relationships are a sensitive topic and are often talked about for the consequences they leave on the lives of the individuals and families involved. Being the "other person" in an extramarital relationship is a role that comes with mixed feelings - from passion and fulfillment of unmet needs, to guilt and perpetual anxiety. In this article, several individuals have shared their experiences of finding themselves being the "other person" in a relationship, telling us how these relationships turned into experiences they can't forget, for better or for worse. .
"We had a relationship that wasn't meant to be."
"After I got divorced, I didn't want a serious relationship, but I missed intimacy. A friend of mine, married for 20+ years, started flirting with me and then we started having sex. Even though he was married, sex with him was unbelievable. I knew something was wrong, but my need was stronger than my guilt. After a period, I realized that this was not a healthy relationship. I wasn't in love, but I was taking care of him and helping him, even though my desire for sex was still strong. We became good friends and promised each other that friendship would always come first and we would never lose it. I felt that breaking up with him was a necessary step in order to maintain a healthy relationship and not harm him or his family."
"A great case, but a painful reality."
“On Valentine's night, I met a shy guy at a bar and he told me he had a boyfriend and that they had been having problems recently. I admitted to myself that this was a passing case and after the great sex, it all ended with a smile. After that, I realized that I couldn't possibly be in a relationship with someone who was so dishonest. However, the adrenaline of a relationship "with benefits" was attractive. At first, I made it clear that I wasn't expecting anything serious and invited him to stay with me, but he refused and left. I never understood why."
"A terrible mistake, an uncertainty that ended."
I met a guy named Dillon and we started talking. What happened to me later was surprising, as I find out that his ID card had a different name. His name had been just a nickname and after a few days, he told me that he was married and had children. This moment really shocked me and I left immediately. This was an experience I will never forget. I understood how it happened, but I never thought I could be a part of such a complicated situation unknowingly. When I found his wife on Instagram, I thought about texting her, but decided to let her live in peace. It had been a long time; I had no evidence to show him. I would have stressed her out and she would probably think I was a crazy person and I still wonder if she found out about his infidelities."
"A Secret Affair That Lasted Four Years"
"I was teaching abroad when I met a former classmate who invited me to join him and his friends for dinner. The chemistry was immediate. He admitted he was married, but that didn't matter to us— we felt great attraction for each other. We texted constantly and shared an intense, secret relationship for four years. I was there for him whenever he wanted, but in 2020 we parted ways of loneliness didn't linger. The constant language barrier made it seem like we were the only ones who understood each other. I still think there was something real in that period, it was easy for us to lie to each other lovers and best friends. He blocked me from all social media as an added bonus. I have never had better sex and the common language could not be a lie still broken? Yes."
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