We've all heard someone explain infidelity as a "spur of the moment" decision or a "lapse in judgment." But can the choice to cheat on your partner be made so hastily? Some question what hope a relationship has if infidelity can happen so easily, others dismiss the idea that faithful partners are vulnerable even when presented with tempting alternatives. What is the truth? The research reveals several factors to consider.
Spontaneity and strategy
Parvati Varma and Saurabh Maheshwari, authors of How Do People Cheat in Relationships?, studied the process of infidelity in dating, including how it happens and how it is resolved.
They found that spontaneous infidelity began when a new relationship with a person entered their lives. For pre-planned infidelity, where the partner had time to think, the process began with risk factors, including dissatisfaction with the relationship.
Infidelity as a process
Most couples understand that infidelity in a relationship involves a combination of elements, situations and emotions, and it is likely that partners are aware of what types of emotions or behaviors their partners would consider infidelity.
Varma and Maheshwari acknowledge this truth, describing infidelity as "any behavior that breaks the trust or limit supposedly upheld by the partners in a commitment."
Varma and Maheshwari acknowledge this truth, describing infidelity as "any behavior that breaks the trust or limit supposedly upheld by the partners in a commitment."
This can include a variety of activities outside the relationship, such as romantic encounters, emotional involvement, or sexual intimacy.
Varma and Maheshwari also acknowledge the emotional aspects of infidelity, describing the process of hooking up outside of relationships as "developing an emotional connection, feeling close, increasing conversation, sexual/physical attraction, and comfort with the alternative." This explains how for many partners, an emotional betrayal precedes a physical one.
Building a relationship on solid foundations
From dissatisfaction to distraction from other people, the motives of betrayal are different.
Quality relationships require partners who are committed to taking care of each other, as well as monitoring their behavior, avoiding social situations that may be dangerous or tempting. Commitment and care within couples can keep both partners on the same path, which often leads to marriage.
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