Whether the breakup was your decision or the other person's, leaving someone can be a painful experience. At first, you may be dealing with a mix of emotions, taking time to process them. You understand that staying angry does not serve you, so you work to forgive your ex-partner and yourself. Avoid dating environments and make "peace and acceptance" your goal.
But just as you feel like you're making progress, you see your ex making all the changes you hoped for during your relationship. Suddenly, the peace you had begun to feel is replaced by anger and resentment. "Seriously?", you think as you watch him become the person you always wanted.
The breakup had given you a sense of power and reminded you of your inner strength. You were even beginning to wonder why you hadn't done it sooner. But when you see your ex change, you feel like you've been hit hard, and it feels like you haven't made any progress in your healing process. As if the universe was mocking you and all that self-confidence you had gained is now replaced by doubts. Was I not good enough to make him change? Was something wrong about you?
When he becomes the person you always wanted, but without you, you may feel like you weren't enough, like you didn't deserve the love and effort he's now giving to someone else. Feelings of disappointment and betrayal may begin to creep in, as it feels like all the energy you invested in helping him grow as a person was ignored.
While you've been focused on yourself and away from social media, you suddenly become focused on everything he's doing. You can't avoid social media, as if you're looking for answers. But here's the problem: These thoughts and behaviors are toxic because they associate your ex's lack of growth during the relationship with your value as a person and can easily fuel a loss of self-confidence. Constantly checking your ex's social media keeps you clinging to the past, while real growth comes from focusing on your path forward.
When you have regained your energy and returned to your life path, consider your relationship with yourself. Did you expect something from your partner that you never gave yourself? Did you expect his love to replace your lack of self-love?
Identify all the things you wanted from him and start giving them to yourself. Did you want care? Take care of yourself in every decision you have to make and don't put the needs of others before your own desires. Did you want him to be loved? Wish your partner wouldn't cross your boundaries? Be careful how you treat yourself and make sure you don't make these mistakes yourself. This can be as simple as learning to say "no" in certain situations.
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