"What?! Did I hear you right? If you love me, why are you leaving me?", quite a common situation. Sometimes, love and life collide. Usually, this conflict is related to one of these two issues:
1. Romantic reasons relating to the nature of love.
2. Reasons related to the well-being of the partners.
"I love you, but not enough."
Romantic love is not a simple feeling that either exists or it doesn't. It comes in different levels. Some levels are enough for a relationship of several weeks or months, but not to sustain a long-term love.
Common examples in this group are:
- "I found a new lover."
- "In the past, I loved someone more than I love you."
- "I'm happy with you in the short term (high romantic intensity), but I don't see a long-term future (lack of romantic depth)."
- "We are great sex partners, but not great friends."
- "We are friends, but not good sex partners."
- "There are major problems in your behavior that prevent me from trusting you and feeling at ease with you."
- "I can't give you the love you deserve," or more directly: "I don't have enough feelings for you."
The reasons in this group are mostly comparative - they indicate a lower level of love or romantic suitability. These differences are often related to the (ambiguous) phrase: "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," a phrase that has ended many marriages and other relationships. There is some love here, but it's not enough. , at least not compared to the other options available.
"I love you, but I can't live with you."
Long-term romantic relationships must take into account the non-romantic factors associated with the cohabitation of two partners. Loving someone is not always enough to decide to live with someone. Living together and creating a family requires not only love, but much more than that; require the ability to help each other develop.
In this case, the level of love is sufficient to support a lasting love, but not for a lasting cohabitation. People sometimes choose career and life achievements over love and this can be related to their own or their partner's development.
Take for example the case of a married woman who said that she loved her first husband very much, but there was something missing in their relationship that made her decide to divorce. "There was nothing wrong with it," she said, adding: "But I still felt like I didn't want it in my life. He wouldn't get in my way, but he also didn't bring out the best in me. With my second husband, I have many arguments, but I feel his deep passion and ability to bring out the best in me."
Considering this reality, we sometimes hear of a partner who, out of great love, ends a relationship out of concern that staying together would make their loved one unhappy in the long term. In this case, ending the relationship expresses a sincere interest in the well-being of the other.
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